1
00:00:16,300 --> 00:00:17,834
 Hey, hey, hey!

2
00:00:17,901 --> 00:00:19,133
  ELLIOTT:
  Hey, look who's back.
  Look who's back.

3
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,167
   So, how was Jamaica?

4
00:00:22,234 --> 00:00:26,067
 Just like Florida,
 except everyone
 speaks English.

5
00:00:26,133 --> 00:00:28,601
  You know what I mean.
  How did it go
  with Courtney?

6
00:00:28,667 --> 00:00:30,601
 Yeah, I assume
 you closed the deal.

7
00:00:30,667 --> 00:00:32,901
 Sir, a gentleman
 does not talk.

8
00:00:34,634 --> 00:00:37,400
  So what's
  stopping you?

9
00:00:37,467 --> 00:00:41,334
  Well, let's just say
  I did my fair share
  of body surfing.

10
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:43,501
   (LAUGHS)

11
00:00:43,567 --> 00:00:45,300
Yeah.

12
00:00:45,367 --> 00:00:47,467
   What does that mean?

13
00:00:47,534 --> 00:00:51,501
   Let's put it this way.
   All of D. Finch's fun
   didn't come under the sun.

14
00:00:51,567 --> 00:00:52,801
(LAUGHS)

15
00:00:52,868 --> 00:00:54,133
   Right on.

16
00:00:55,033 --> 00:00:56,868
   What are you saying?

17
00:00:56,934 --> 00:01:00,534
 Between you and me,
 the tide wasn't the only
 thing going in and out.

18
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,167
 You didn't get any,
 did you?

19
00:01:09,234 --> 00:01:10,701
  No.

20
00:01:10,767 --> 00:01:13,267
You've gotta be kidding me.
You flew this woman
to Jamaica,

21
00:01:13,334 --> 00:01:15,767
you put her up
in a first class hotel,
and nothing happened?

22
00:01:15,834 --> 00:01:18,000
 And after all those
 little romantic notes
 she sent you?

23
00:01:18,067 --> 00:01:19,167
 And the flirty
 e-mails?

24
00:01:19,234 --> 00:01:21,400
Well, maybe I read
too much into them.

25
00:01:21,467 --> 00:01:23,834
 She said she wanted you
 on a beach alone

26
00:01:23,901 --> 00:01:25,934
 under the Jamaican moonlight.

27
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:29,267
Well, I was alone
on the beach the five hours
after she got me wasted

28
00:01:29,334 --> 00:01:32,667
  and said
  she'd be right back.

29
00:01:32,734 --> 00:01:34,501
  Please tell me
  you didn't do
  anything weird

30
00:01:34,567 --> 00:01:37,567
 like talk about
 your action figure
 collection.

31
00:01:38,801 --> 00:01:40,067
   A, of course not.

32
00:01:40,133 --> 00:01:44,000
  And B, it's a sound
  financial investment.

33
00:01:44,067 --> 00:01:47,200
 C, not if you take them
 out of the box
 and play with them.

34
00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:51,133
   Man, did she play you
   for a chump.

35
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:54,501
Dude, it's not like
I didn't see her naked.

36
00:01:54,567 --> 00:01:56,167
   You did?

37
00:01:56,234 --> 00:01:58,067
Yeah. I was just
pretending to be asleep

38
00:01:58,133 --> 00:02:00,567
 when she was getting it on
 with the tennis pro.

39
00:02:00,634 --> 00:02:01,667
Excuse me.

40
00:02:01,734 --> 00:02:02,901
How could
she do that?

41
00:02:02,968 --> 00:02:04,901
  After all the trouble
  you went to.

42
00:02:04,968 --> 00:02:06,801
 Hey, it's no big deal.

43
00:02:06,868 --> 00:02:08,734
  So she didn't
  fall in love with me.

44
00:02:08,801 --> 00:02:10,868
 So I maxed out
 my credit cards.

45
00:02:10,934 --> 00:02:12,968
 So I cashed in
 my mint-condition
 Darth Vader mask

46
00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:16,267
   to upgrade to
   the presidential suite.

47
00:02:16,334 --> 00:02:18,834
 I don't even
 like  Star Wars anymore.

48
00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:23,634
  Poor guy.

49
00:02:23,701 --> 00:02:24,868
 You know, it's women
 like Courtney

50
00:02:24,934 --> 00:02:26,367
 that give
 the rest of us
 a bad name.

51
00:02:26,434 --> 00:02:28,334
 I would love
 to see her get burned
 sometime.

52
00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:31,367
  Yeah, yeah.
  I'd love to do to her
  what she did to him.

53
00:02:31,434 --> 00:02:35,000
  I'd wine her. I'd dine her.
  And just when I had her in
  the palm of my hand, I'd say,

54
00:02:35,067 --> 00:02:38,434
  "You screwed over my friend
  and that's not cool with me."

55
00:02:38,501 --> 00:02:39,801
 Easier said than done.

56
00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:41,801
Oh, please.
I date supermodels.

57
00:02:41,868 --> 00:02:44,834
She's just
a civilian.

58
00:02:44,901 --> 00:02:47,734
 You know,
 you make it hard
 to root for you.

59
00:02:51,501 --> 00:02:54,133
 Listen, I feel bad
 about this whole
 Courtney thing.

60
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:55,300
 Thanks, man.

61
00:02:55,367 --> 00:02:58,000
 So I'm gonna do to her
 what she did to you.

62
00:02:58,067 --> 00:03:00,601
Give her a painful
72-hour erection?

63
00:03:08,801 --> 00:03:10,434
 I'm gonna ask her out.
 I'm gonna
 string her along,

64
00:03:10,501 --> 00:03:11,934
  and just when
  she's ready
  to go for me,

65
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,501
I'm gonna look her
in the eye and say,

66
00:03:13,567 --> 00:03:17,234
  "You screwed over my friend,
  and that's not cool with me!"

67
00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:21,567
 Well, as much as I love
 playing 98-pound weakling
 to your Charles Atlas,

68
00:03:21,634 --> 00:03:23,968
 I can handle
 this myself, thanks.

69
00:03:24,734 --> 00:03:25,868
   Hey, pal.

70
00:03:25,934 --> 00:03:27,300
  Hi, Courtney.

71
00:03:27,367 --> 00:03:30,033
 Here are the quarterly
 reports for Mr. Gallo.

72
00:03:30,100 --> 00:03:34,334
   Oh, and I had to pay
   for those tennis lessons
   with my own money, so...

73
00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,100
 I'll write you a check.

74
00:03:41,167 --> 00:03:43,200
 I could just kiss you.

75
00:03:43,267 --> 00:03:44,567
 (LAUGHS) Aw.

76
00:03:47,334 --> 00:03:48,567
  Get her.

77
00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:03,467
Nina, my office, now.

78
00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:07,534
Well, I'm sorry, Jack,
but you have the only couch
that folds out.

79
00:04:09,367 --> 00:04:11,634
   What about my couch?

80
00:04:11,701 --> 00:04:15,100
All joking aside,
what can I do for you?

81
00:04:15,167 --> 00:04:18,300
 I need your expertise.
 I have to lose
 some weight fast.

82
00:04:18,367 --> 00:04:21,834
   Oh! Well, that's easy.
   I have a system
   that's sure-fire.

83
00:04:21,901 --> 00:04:24,734
 Let me guess.
 Sweating under
 the oldies?

84
00:04:29,100 --> 00:04:32,167
 Shouldn't you be
 at the North Pole,
 making toys?

85
00:04:33,801 --> 00:04:35,467
So, Jack,
what's this all about?

86
00:04:35,534 --> 00:04:38,234
 It's about self-respect.
 It's about dignity.

87
00:04:38,300 --> 00:04:40,734
 It's about the triumph
 of good over evil.

88
00:04:40,801 --> 00:04:43,701
   You made another
   silly bet with Donald Trump,
   didn't you?

89
00:04:43,767 --> 00:04:45,767
 There's nothing
 silly about it.

90
00:04:45,834 --> 00:04:48,467
   Whoever drops
   the most weight
   by Friday wins,

91
00:04:48,534 --> 00:04:52,801
   and the other has
   to play golf with
   a flounder down his pants.

92
00:04:52,868 --> 00:04:54,734
   Well, how did
   you arrive at that?

93
00:04:54,801 --> 00:04:57,000
   I said salmon.
   He said monkfish.

94
00:04:57,067 --> 00:04:59,834
  The lawyers
  took it from there.

95
00:04:59,901 --> 00:05:01,534
Nina, you've got to
help me.

96
00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:04,067
  Oh, you haven't won a bet
  with Trump in five years.

97
00:05:04,133 --> 00:05:06,100
  I know.
  I can win this one.

98
00:05:06,167 --> 00:05:07,400
 Oh, the last time
 you said that,

99
00:05:07,467 --> 00:05:10,234
 you wound up pants down
 at a tattoo parlor.

100
00:05:10,300 --> 00:05:13,234
   Egomaniac has to
   put his name
   on everything.

101
00:05:16,434 --> 00:05:18,734
   All right, if you really,
   really wanna lose weight,

102
00:05:18,801 --> 00:05:20,434
  then I am with you
  to the bitter end.

103
00:05:20,501 --> 00:05:23,567
   Great.
   My only rule
   is no pills.

104
00:05:23,634 --> 00:05:24,868
  Later, Tubby.

105
00:05:24,934 --> 00:05:28,100
  Nina, wait!
  I'm desperate.

106
00:05:28,167 --> 00:05:31,167
   You're the only one
   who can help me. I need you.

107
00:05:31,234 --> 00:05:32,734
Really?

108
00:05:32,801 --> 00:05:36,133
 Oh, Jack, if I weren't
 on so much Prozac,
 I could just cry.

109
00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:38,567
Then we're on?

110
00:05:38,634 --> 00:05:41,000
You bet.
I'll write you out
an easy-to-follow diet.

111
00:05:41,067 --> 00:05:43,133
But first,
the fundamentals.

112
00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:45,434
   Now I like to
   think of my body
   as a temple.

113
00:05:45,501 --> 00:05:49,234
  Which explains why
  there's a line to get in
  on Friday nights.

114
00:05:56,234 --> 00:05:57,400
 What's the deal?

115
00:05:57,467 --> 00:06:00,000
Elliott's setting the trap.
He's asking Courtney out.

116
00:06:00,067 --> 00:06:01,968
Don't stare!
Look busy.

117
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:08,133
  God, just looking
  at her makes me sick.

118
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,934
 MAYA: Her fake
 little laugh.

119
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,467
And that trampy way
she keeps
touching him.

120
00:06:13,534 --> 00:06:15,133
Disgusting.

121
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,434
  MAYA: The way
  she keeps fiddling
  with her bra strap.

122
00:06:17,501 --> 00:06:20,767
 Actually, I'm kind of
 digging that part.

123
00:06:20,834 --> 00:06:22,400
   You know, I talked
   to her this morning.

124
00:06:22,467 --> 00:06:24,367
She is so shallow
and self-centered.

125
00:06:24,434 --> 00:06:26,100
   She thinks
   everything
   is about her.

126
00:06:26,167 --> 00:06:28,501
   (CLEARING THROAT)
   I can hear you.

127
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,000
   Hey, friend!

128
00:06:33,067 --> 00:06:34,834
 Hey, buddy, old pal!

129
00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:39,701
 Well, we're on
 for dinner
 tomorrow night.

130
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:40,934
   She said, "Yes"?

131
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,734
Just throw her
a few empty compliments

132
00:06:42,801 --> 00:06:44,667
   and that woman
   will say "Yes"
   to anything.

133
00:06:44,734 --> 00:06:46,601
  I'm still in the room!

134
00:06:52,133 --> 00:06:53,734
By the way,
I appreciate
all the help.

135
00:06:53,801 --> 00:06:57,167
 Man, it's nothing.
 I'd crawl through a mine field
 for you, buddy.

136
00:06:57,234 --> 00:06:58,968
  Hey, man,
  if you were
  ever murdered,

137
00:06:59,033 --> 00:07:01,434
 I'd hunt down your killer
 and put a gun to his head.

138
00:07:01,501 --> 00:07:03,501
   And he'd say,
   "Please, don't hurt me!

139
00:07:03,567 --> 00:07:05,234
 "I'll give you
 anything you want!"

140
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,601
  And I'll go,
  "Oh, really? 'Cause I
  want my friend back!"

141
00:07:07,667 --> 00:07:09,300
And then I'd go,
"No, you ain't
worth it."

142
00:07:09,367 --> 00:07:11,534
  Then I'd go,
  "Yes, you are!" Boom!

143
00:07:11,601 --> 00:07:14,534
  And blow
  his head off. Yeah!

144
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,133
 Thanks, man.

145
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:19,334
 I have never witnessed
 a creepier display
 of affection.

146
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,167
  Serves you right
  for peeking in my office.

147
00:07:33,634 --> 00:07:34,701
What are you doing?

148
00:07:34,767 --> 00:07:36,234
 Oh, I'm helping
 your father with a diet.

149
00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:38,367
  Which is why I'm getting rid
  of all this fattening food.

150
00:07:38,434 --> 00:07:41,000
 Nina, that's Baxter's
 diabetes medicine!

151
00:07:41,067 --> 00:07:43,400
  Well, we all have
  to make sacrifices.

152
00:07:43,467 --> 00:07:45,000
  Oh, what's the point?

153
00:07:45,067 --> 00:07:46,801
The longest my father
has ever been on a diet

154
00:07:46,868 --> 00:07:49,701
  is the amount of time
  it takes
  to toast a Pop-Tart.

155
00:07:49,767 --> 00:07:51,601
   Shame on you.

156
00:07:51,667 --> 00:07:53,734
Jack Gallo is a man
of tremendous discipline.

157
00:07:53,801 --> 00:07:56,667
  And if he says
  he's sticking to a diet,
  then I can assure you...

158
00:07:56,734 --> 00:07:58,834
   (EXCLAIMING) Chunky!

159
00:07:58,901 --> 00:08:00,901
  Jack, no!

160
00:08:03,267 --> 00:08:05,567
   Hey, I was eating that.

161
00:08:06,367 --> 00:08:07,400
  Oh, well.

162
00:08:07,467 --> 00:08:10,067
 Donuts!
 Have you gone mad?

163
00:08:10,133 --> 00:08:13,067
Nina, it's okay.
They're not donuts.

164
00:08:13,133 --> 00:08:16,267
 They're "chocolate
 health circles."
 No fat, no calories.

165
00:08:16,334 --> 00:08:19,868
Says right here,
"There's a dozen sit-ups
in every bite."

166
00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:26,000
I'm gonna have to ask you
to stop doing that.

167
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,000
  Sugar.

168
00:08:30,067 --> 00:08:31,400
Pure cane.

169
00:08:34,868 --> 00:08:36,667
  Probably from Hawaii.

170
00:08:38,167 --> 00:08:40,300
 They bring it over
 in boats.

171
00:08:41,467 --> 00:08:43,868
 You mean,
 I've been duped?

172
00:08:43,934 --> 00:08:45,767
Where did these
come from?

173
00:08:45,834 --> 00:08:47,801
   Delivery guy
   just dropped them off.

174
00:08:47,868 --> 00:08:49,300
There he is.

175
00:08:51,901 --> 00:08:53,467
 Don't play dumb.

176
00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:56,133
 We know there was
 sugar in the donuts.

177
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:59,334
  I've got no idea
  what you're
  talking about, pops.

178
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:02,100
  Admit it.
  Trump sent you,
  didn't he?

179
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:04,167
 Trump? Never heard
 of him, my man.

180
00:09:04,234 --> 00:09:06,467
   Answer the question,
   dirt-bag.

181
00:09:08,868 --> 00:09:10,167
Okay, okay.
It was Trump!

182
00:09:10,234 --> 00:09:11,400
I knew it!

183
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:12,934
  Look, he said
  it would be funny.

184
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:16,701
  I tried to say no,
  but he got
  all crazy-like.

185
00:09:16,767 --> 00:09:19,234
  Can I have that
  glass of water now?

186
00:09:21,234 --> 00:09:24,367
  Donald? Jack here.
  I got your boy.

187
00:09:24,434 --> 00:09:26,267
 Say hello, Chuckles.

188
00:09:26,334 --> 00:09:28,534
I didn't say nothing,
Mr. Trump! They made me
tell them every...

189
00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:30,133
 That's enough.

190
00:09:32,801 --> 00:09:34,400
  What do you say
  we up the stakes?

191
00:09:34,467 --> 00:09:35,801
We're captains
of industry.

192
00:09:35,868 --> 00:09:37,968
  We got a penny or two
  in the bank.

193
00:09:38,033 --> 00:09:40,601
  Why not a wager
  worthy of our status?

194
00:09:41,501 --> 00:09:42,801
   Uh-huh.

195
00:09:42,868 --> 00:09:43,901
Uh-huh!

196
00:09:43,968 --> 00:09:46,501
Exactly what
I was thinking.

197
00:09:48,267 --> 00:09:50,667
  Loser has to play golf
  in a dress.

198
00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:55,300
  Can I go now?

199
00:09:57,400 --> 00:10:00,100
   You know, you take
   punishment very well.

200
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,567
 You seeing anyone?

201
00:10:11,901 --> 00:10:14,801
 So I said, "Look, I know
 you're trying to raise money
 for charity and all,

202
00:10:14,868 --> 00:10:16,901
"but those are pancakes,
not crepes."

203
00:10:16,968 --> 00:10:20,133
And I should know,
being 1/16th French.
See, my father's mother...

204
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:21,667
 Stop talking.

205
00:10:22,968 --> 00:10:24,701
  What?

206
00:10:24,767 --> 00:10:27,667
  I mean, the way
  the light is hitting you,
  it's breathtaking.

207
00:10:27,734 --> 00:10:30,701
  I just wanna remember
  this moment silently.

208
00:10:30,767 --> 00:10:34,067
   Oh, please. You're always
   with those beautiful models.

209
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,167
   I still can't believe
   you even asked me out.

210
00:10:36,234 --> 00:10:37,868
   Are you kidding?

211
00:10:37,934 --> 00:10:39,534
   I spend all day
   lighting those women

212
00:10:39,601 --> 00:10:42,567
 to look half as pretty
 as you do right now

213
00:10:42,634 --> 00:10:45,234
 in the simple glow
 of this candle.

214
00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:46,567
Lumiere.

215
00:10:48,734 --> 00:10:50,601
Excuse me?
  Lumiere.

216
00:10:50,667 --> 00:10:54,667
It's the name
of the talking candlestick
in  Beauty and the Beast.

217
00:10:57,200 --> 00:11:00,267
 And she loves the theater.
 Thank you, God.

218
00:11:01,801 --> 00:11:03,734
 I've been such a fool.

219
00:11:03,801 --> 00:11:05,968
   For so long, I've been
   chasing this false ideal
   of perfection,

220
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:08,567
   when all along,
   you were right there
   in front of me.

221
00:11:08,634 --> 00:11:10,667
  An angel
  sent from heaven.

222
00:11:12,767 --> 00:11:16,167
 Oh, my God,
 that's so sweet.

223
00:11:16,234 --> 00:11:18,367
  I feel like
  I just wanna cry.

224
00:11:19,334 --> 00:11:20,901
 I need a minute.

225
00:11:20,968 --> 00:11:24,767
 Oh! And if you see
 the waiter, tell him
 this caviar has turned.

226
00:11:24,834 --> 00:11:27,200
   I should know,
   I'm 1/8th Russian.

227
00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:43,634
  Finch, Finch,
  it's me.

228
00:11:43,701 --> 00:11:46,167
Yeah. I'm at the restaurant
and she's all mine.

229
00:11:46,234 --> 00:11:50,367
  Time for,
  "You screwed over my friend,
  and that's not cool with me!"

230
00:11:51,834 --> 00:11:54,701
   Okay, I'll leave
   the phone on.

231
00:11:54,767 --> 00:11:56,400
 I don't know,
 32 cents a minute.

232
00:11:56,467 --> 00:11:59,067
   Don't worry about it.
   It's on me.

233
00:11:59,133 --> 00:12:01,133
   All right,
   here she comes.

234
00:12:02,701 --> 00:12:04,200
 Hey, I was thinking,

235
00:12:04,267 --> 00:12:06,334
there's this
great zydeco club
around the corner,

236
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:07,434
 and I'm
 1/32nd Creole...

237
00:12:07,501 --> 00:12:08,868
  Courtney.

238
00:12:08,934 --> 00:12:11,033
 I don't know
 what's come over me.
 I think it's you.

239
00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:12,868
   But I'm just
   going to be bold.

240
00:12:12,934 --> 00:12:14,300
  We've wasted
  so much time already.

241
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:17,234
I just want to
take you home, hold you
tightly in my arms,

242
00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:20,901
and together,
experience a world
of possibilities.

243
00:12:20,968 --> 00:12:22,367
   Wow.

244
00:12:22,434 --> 00:12:23,701
 If by "world of
 possibilities,"

245
00:12:23,767 --> 00:12:25,801
  you mean the hottest,
  wildest, oiliest night

246
00:12:25,868 --> 00:12:28,234
   of crazy, freaky,
   monkey sex
   this side of Bangkok,

247
00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:30,000
then I say
saddle up, cowboy.

248
00:12:30,067 --> 00:12:32,701
   You're going
   for the ride
   of your life.

249
00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:42,367
Giddyap.

250
00:12:57,067 --> 00:13:00,234
Ladies and gents,
it's New York's
number one heartbreaker,

251
00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:02,367
 Elliott DiMaurolizer.

252
00:13:02,434 --> 00:13:03,968
 Yeah!

253
00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,901
   Dude, your phone went out.
   How'd she take it?

254
00:13:05,968 --> 00:13:07,200
  Yeah, did she
  make a scene?

255
00:13:07,267 --> 00:13:09,467
  Well, she did
  get pretty loud.

256
00:13:11,601 --> 00:13:13,367
  Oh, you guys,
  you guys,
  you guys.

257
00:13:13,434 --> 00:13:14,667
 (EXCLAIMS)

258
00:13:14,734 --> 00:13:17,000
  Courtney!
  How does it feel?

259
00:13:17,067 --> 00:13:18,501
  How does it feel?

260
00:13:18,567 --> 00:13:19,801
(GRUNTS)

261
00:13:22,367 --> 00:13:24,000
   How does what feel?

262
00:13:24,067 --> 00:13:26,267
I haven't
done it yet, buddy.

263
00:13:27,734 --> 00:13:29,701
 That down comforter
 I gave you.

264
00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:31,701
Not too fluffy,
I hope.

265
00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:33,901
   No, it's fine.
   I'm just not sure
   if I like the color anymore.

266
00:13:33,968 --> 00:13:35,067
  Okay.

267
00:13:38,934 --> 00:13:39,934
Hi, Elliott.

268
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,200
  Hey, Courtney.

269
00:13:42,267 --> 00:13:44,501
 Oh, my God.
 You slept with her.

270
00:13:45,334 --> 00:13:46,400
  I did not.

271
00:13:46,467 --> 00:13:48,067
   Yes, you did.
   Admit it.

272
00:13:48,133 --> 00:13:50,701
Maya, I did not
sleep with her,
I swear.

273
00:13:50,767 --> 00:13:53,300
  I could tell
  by the satisfied look
  on her face.

274
00:13:53,367 --> 00:13:55,133
She was glowing,
wasn't she?

275
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,300
  Oh! I knew it, I knew it!
  How could you?

276
00:13:57,367 --> 00:13:59,634
 I was fighting it.
 I was.

277
00:13:59,701 --> 00:14:02,534
But then we went back
to her place, and there
was music and candles,

278
00:14:02,601 --> 00:14:05,200
   and she had
   the softest
   down comforter.

279
00:14:06,834 --> 00:14:09,167
What about
what she did
to poor Finch?

280
00:14:09,234 --> 00:14:13,133
Well, that's not really
any of my business.

281
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,334
 I mean...
 Don't look at me
 like that!

282
00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:17,667
I'm telling you,
she's amazing.

283
00:14:17,734 --> 00:14:19,667
It felt like
I was with three women.

284
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,968
   And I've been
   with three women.

285
00:14:22,834 --> 00:14:24,100
  (SIGHING)

286
00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:26,133
 Finch is your friend.

287
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,067
   Do you have any idea
   what this would do
   to him if he found out?

288
00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:30,334
Hey, if he's a real friend,
he'll be happy for me.

289
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:32,501
   Yeah, you're right.
   Let's go tell him.

290
00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:33,801
  All right, all right,
  all right.

291
00:14:33,868 --> 00:14:35,200
  I'll break it off
  with her.

292
00:14:35,267 --> 00:14:36,634
  But she's a very
  sensitive person,

293
00:14:36,701 --> 00:14:39,000
 and this is really
 gonna hurt
 her feelings.

294
00:14:39,067 --> 00:14:41,467
And you call yourself
a womanizer.

295
00:14:48,801 --> 00:14:52,000
  So, you ready for
  the big weigh-in, Bones?

296
00:14:52,067 --> 00:14:55,734
 (LAUGHS) I don't know.
 Can you weigh a feather?

297
00:14:57,868 --> 00:14:59,267
   Oh, Jack,
   I am so proud of you

298
00:14:59,334 --> 00:15:01,901
that I got you
a little something
from The Sharper Image.

299
00:15:01,968 --> 00:15:04,100
 A talking scale!

300
00:15:04,167 --> 00:15:06,100
 Boy, you gotta
 hand it to those guys.

301
00:15:06,167 --> 00:15:08,667
  They see a need
  and they fill it.

302
00:15:08,734 --> 00:15:11,567
  Oh. Better lose
  the shoes.

303
00:15:11,634 --> 00:15:14,000
  I want the most
  accurate reading.

304
00:15:15,300 --> 00:15:17,834
 WOMAN'S VOICE:
 One at a time, please.

305
00:15:19,033 --> 00:15:20,968
  You weigh 194.

306
00:15:22,234 --> 00:15:25,901
 194? I gained
 nine pounds?

307
00:15:25,968 --> 00:15:27,601
   What the hell
   have you done to me?

308
00:15:27,667 --> 00:15:29,701
Me?
Obviously, you cheated.

309
00:15:29,767 --> 00:15:31,367
  How can you say that?

310
00:15:31,434 --> 00:15:34,501
 I've been starving
 myself all week with
 this stupid diet of yours.

311
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:35,801
  And you
  followed it exactly?

312
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:37,033
  To the letter.

313
00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:38,634
 Well, what did you have
 for dinner last night?

314
00:15:38,701 --> 00:15:41,367
   The pasta, or the chicken,
   or the tuna?

315
00:15:42,501 --> 00:15:43,601
   "Or?"

316
00:15:48,167 --> 00:15:50,167
Hey, Maya, I'm sorry
I had to
back out of lunch,

317
00:15:50,234 --> 00:15:52,234
   but a friend of mine
   is in the hospital.

318
00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:53,634
One minute
he's playing the piano,

319
00:15:53,701 --> 00:15:56,467
   the next minute
   he's in an oxygen tent.

320
00:15:56,534 --> 00:15:58,634
  Why him?
  It's just not fair.

321
00:16:00,133 --> 00:16:02,200
Your pants
are inside out.

322
00:16:03,634 --> 00:16:04,968
  (GROANS)

323
00:16:05,033 --> 00:16:06,934
  Damn it.

324
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,567
   Elliott, this is ridiculous.
   It's been going on
   for a week.

325
00:16:09,634 --> 00:16:11,067
What is so special
about Courtney

326
00:16:11,133 --> 00:16:13,501
that you're willing
to blow your friendship
with Finch?

327
00:16:13,567 --> 00:16:15,367
   Well, at the risk
   of sounding crass,

328
00:16:15,434 --> 00:16:17,534
   she's 1/8th
   Chinese acrobat.

329
00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:24,701
  You have to
  tell Finch the truth.

330
00:16:24,767 --> 00:16:26,801
  Oh, please. No way.

331
00:16:26,868 --> 00:16:29,334
   I mean, the boy looks up
   to me like I'm a superhero
   or something.

332
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:30,601
  Hey, bald man.

333
00:16:30,667 --> 00:16:32,767
See? He thinks
I'm Baldman.

334
00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:35,834
   This fax
   just came in.

335
00:16:35,901 --> 00:16:38,100
  Something about
  a bed-and-breakfast
  reservation in Vermont.

336
00:16:38,167 --> 00:16:39,334
 Oh, yeah. Thanks.

337
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:42,100
You're taking Courtney,
aren't you?

338
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:45,801
 Yep, Saturday's the day
 I drop the bomb
 on her, buddy.

339
00:16:45,868 --> 00:16:47,334
   So explain to me

340
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,400
 why you have to drive
 all the way to Vermont
 to do that?

341
00:16:49,467 --> 00:16:51,601
 I just want
 the big blow-off
 to be perfect.

342
00:16:51,667 --> 00:16:54,434
 Trust me,
 revenge is a dish
 best served

343
00:16:54,501 --> 00:16:56,434
   with fresh maple syrup.

344
00:16:58,300 --> 00:16:59,534
  I thought
  the big blow-off

345
00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:01,801
 was supposed to be
 a week ago, at dinner.

346
00:17:01,868 --> 00:17:03,534
And then,
it was gonna be
at the theater.

347
00:17:03,601 --> 00:17:05,601
   And then
   the hansom cab ride.
   What's the plan?

348
00:17:05,667 --> 00:17:06,767
  Marry her,
  grow old together

349
00:17:06,834 --> 00:17:09,667
and then yell "Sucker!"
at her open casket?

350
00:17:13,734 --> 00:17:16,501
   Finch,
   Elliott has something
   he needs to tell you.

351
00:17:16,567 --> 00:17:18,901
 She's right. I do.

352
00:17:18,968 --> 00:17:21,767
 I just don't know
 where to start.

353
00:17:21,834 --> 00:17:24,634
 I'm shocked that
 you'd think I would betray
 our friendship like that.

354
00:17:24,701 --> 00:17:26,534
   Elliott.

355
00:17:26,601 --> 00:17:28,701
   I mean, any schmo
   can take her out once
   and dump her.

356
00:17:28,767 --> 00:17:30,167
 I'm trying to
 draw her in,

357
00:17:30,234 --> 00:17:32,868
 so I can play her
 just as bad
 as she played you.

358
00:17:32,934 --> 00:17:34,767
 Here I am
 busting my hump,
 and for what?

359
00:17:34,834 --> 00:17:37,133
   Do you think
   this is fun for me?

360
00:17:39,367 --> 00:17:40,734
 I'm sorry, man.
 I thought maybe...

361
00:17:40,801 --> 00:17:42,901
 Oh, I know
 what you thought.

362
00:17:44,934 --> 00:17:45,968
 I'm sorry.

363
00:17:46,033 --> 00:17:47,067
 (MUMBLES)

364
00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:49,100
And those
pants are cool.

365
00:17:55,901 --> 00:17:57,634
  Nina!

366
00:17:57,701 --> 00:17:59,601
 It's iced tea,
 I swear.

367
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:04,467
I just had the most fun
I've ever had
on a golf course.

368
00:18:04,534 --> 00:18:07,300
You won the bet?
You mean, Trump
had to play in a dress?

369
00:18:07,367 --> 00:18:11,367
   No, I did,
   but it's the best thing
   that ever happened to me.

370
00:18:11,434 --> 00:18:13,901
Oh, Jack, I am so relieved.
So what happened?

371
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:16,434
I was so nervous
about wearing the dress,

372
00:18:16,501 --> 00:18:19,200
 that for once,
 I didn't over-think
 my swing.

373
00:18:19,267 --> 00:18:22,501
    Every shot
    was pure instinct.

374
00:18:22,567 --> 00:18:25,000
 Or should I say,
 "Intuition."

375
00:18:25,067 --> 00:18:28,267
  Driving, chipping, putting,
  it didn't matter.

376
00:18:28,334 --> 00:18:30,234
  Maybe it was the wind
  up my skirt,

377
00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:32,634
    but I've never felt
    more alive.

378
00:18:34,934 --> 00:18:36,634
   Plus, an insurance salesman

379
00:18:36,701 --> 00:18:39,067
bought me a drink
at the 19th hole.

380
00:18:39,133 --> 00:18:40,868
  Sweet fella.

381
00:18:40,934 --> 00:18:42,634
   Man, was he built.

382
00:18:50,367 --> 00:18:51,467
   Hey.

383
00:18:53,701 --> 00:18:55,834
 Hey, listen,
 about what happened
 earlier,

384
00:18:55,901 --> 00:18:58,868
 I'm sorry for doubting you,
 especially after everything
 you've done for me.

385
00:18:58,934 --> 00:19:00,868
   Water under the bridge, man.

386
00:19:00,934 --> 00:19:02,968
  Anyway, here.

387
00:19:03,033 --> 00:19:04,033
 What's this?

388
00:19:04,100 --> 00:19:05,367
  Nothing.

389
00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:10,501
 Ziggy.

390
00:19:12,167 --> 00:19:15,434
Somehow, he always
has a way
of saying what I can't.

391
00:19:18,901 --> 00:19:22,367
  "Friendship is having someone
  to share a rainbow with."

392
00:19:25,734 --> 00:19:27,767
   I don't know
   what to say.

393
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:28,934
Maybe it's lame. I...

394
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,234
   Lame? It's not lame.

395
00:19:32,834 --> 00:19:34,868
 You know what's lame?

396
00:19:34,934 --> 00:19:37,601
  People who screw over
  their friends.

397
00:19:37,667 --> 00:19:41,367
People who are selfish,
who cause
pain and anguish.

398
00:19:41,434 --> 00:19:43,167
  That's what's lame.

399
00:19:45,767 --> 00:19:47,667
   You freaking rock, man!

400
00:19:52,434 --> 00:19:53,901
 Elliott, the town
 car's here.

401
00:19:53,968 --> 00:19:55,801
   Oh, hi, amigo!

402
00:19:55,868 --> 00:19:58,501
   All right,
   we're just friends.
   I get it.

403
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,434
 Courtney, we need to talk.

404
00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:02,634
   Can we talk about it
   in the car?

405
00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:04,667
  No, this can't wait.

406
00:20:04,734 --> 00:20:09,567
 Courtney,
 you screwed over my friend,
 and that's not cool with me.

407
00:20:11,067 --> 00:20:12,534
Are you saying
I need a spanking?

408
00:20:12,601 --> 00:20:14,734
  Because I brought
  a paddle.

409
00:20:17,367 --> 00:20:19,167
 No, I'm saying...

410
00:20:21,767 --> 00:20:24,601
  You screwed
  over my friend,

411
00:20:24,667 --> 00:20:26,801
 and that's not
 cool with me.

412
00:20:27,934 --> 00:20:29,100
   I heard you the first time.

413
00:20:29,167 --> 00:20:31,968
  It's not like
  my knees are in my ears.

414
00:20:32,033 --> 00:20:33,133
Yet.

415
00:20:36,234 --> 00:20:38,534
   Go ahead, buddy,
   tell her again.

416
00:20:40,767 --> 00:20:43,501
 (MUMBLING)
 You screwed over my friend,
 and that's not...

417
00:20:43,567 --> 00:20:46,100
   Elliot, are you
   breaking up with me?

418
00:20:48,667 --> 00:20:50,634
 (MUMBLING)
 I'm trying to.

419
00:20:52,601 --> 00:20:55,133
Well, okay. Whatever.
See you Monday.

420
00:21:00,267 --> 00:21:02,300
Huh? Huh?

421
00:21:02,367 --> 00:21:06,467
 Huh? We did it, huh, pal?
 We showed her good, huh?

422
00:21:06,534 --> 00:21:10,100
  All that work,
  and neither of us got
  to have sex with her.

423
00:21:11,100 --> 00:21:12,767
   Yeah, right, yeah.

424
00:21:14,534 --> 00:21:16,067
(SIGHS)

425
00:21:16,133 --> 00:21:19,901
 Hey, that's the last time
 we let a woman interfere

426
00:21:19,968 --> 00:21:21,434
  and threaten
  our friendship.

427
00:21:21,501 --> 00:21:24,367
Especially
a money-grubbing,
champagne-guzzling,

428
00:21:24,434 --> 00:21:27,534
   man-hating exhibitionist
   in a size zero dress.

429
00:21:27,601 --> 00:21:28,934
Well, thank you.

430
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:32,634
That's the first nice thing
anyone's said
about me all week.

431
00:21:41,834 --> 00:21:45,400
 * Life keeps bringing me
 back to you

432
00:21:46,300 --> 00:21:48,634
 * Keeps bringing me home

433
00:21:50,067 --> 00:21:53,133
    * It don't matter
    what I wanna do

434
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:58,167
   * 'Cause it's got a
   mind of its own.

435
00:21:59,934 --> 00:22:04,067
 * Life keeps bringing me
 back to you *