1 00:00:13,767 --> 00:00:16,968 NARRATOR: In a borough just north of the Isle of Staten, 2 00:00:17,067 --> 00:00:20,701 'neath the towers that tower over midtown Manhattan, 3 00:00:20,767 --> 00:00:25,434 streets glittered with tinsel like some sequined drag queen 4 00:00:25,501 --> 00:00:30,400 and Christmas joy was aflush at Blush Magazine. 5 00:00:30,467 --> 00:00:34,200 The workers wrapped gifts with a nip and a tuck. 6 00:00:34,267 --> 00:00:36,000 Everybody was happy... 7 00:00:36,067 --> 00:00:37,734 God, people suck! 8 00:00:39,234 --> 00:00:40,501 What's the matter? 9 00:00:40,567 --> 00:00:44,334 I woke up at 4:00 a.m. to wait on line at Toy Town 10 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:47,567 to get one of those Sneezing Charlie dolls for the boy I tutor. 11 00:00:47,634 --> 00:00:49,501 Turns out they were all gone. 12 00:00:49,567 --> 00:00:53,133 Some rich guy bribed the manager to let him buy the entire inventory. 13 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:55,033 What's so great about Sneezing Charlie? 14 00:00:55,100 --> 00:00:58,167 Are you kidding? It sneezes. It complains. 15 00:00:58,234 --> 00:01:00,033 Its nose gets all... 16 00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:02,200 I don't know, Rosie O'Donnell was winging them at her audience, 17 00:01:02,267 --> 00:01:04,934 and now everybody wants one. 18 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,567 Morning. Morning. 19 00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:09,067 Finch, hold all my calls. 20 00:01:09,133 --> 00:01:12,200 Uh, I don't actually answer your phone, but consider it done. 21 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,467 Oh, I rented the saddest movie last night. 22 00:01:16,534 --> 00:01:18,868 Oh, Free Willy 2? 23 00:01:18,934 --> 00:01:21,767 No. Titanic. I'm still reeling. 24 00:01:21,834 --> 00:01:23,701 I know, what a horrible tragedy. 25 00:01:23,767 --> 00:01:29,434 Oh, yeah. All those beautiful clothes lost at the bottom of the sea. 26 00:01:29,501 --> 00:01:32,033 Man, people knew how to dress back then. 27 00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:36,167 Even those poor slobs in steerage managed to put a coat on for dinner. 28 00:01:38,133 --> 00:01:40,400 You know, these days nobody gets dressed up. 29 00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:43,968 Not on airplanes. Not in the theater. Not at the workplace. 30 00:01:44,033 --> 00:01:46,701 You know, everyone is so quick to blame the absentee father, 31 00:01:46,767 --> 00:01:48,200 but I'll tell you something. 32 00:01:48,267 --> 00:01:51,100 It's casual wear that is ruining this society. 33 00:01:52,667 --> 00:01:54,400 That's ridiculous. 34 00:01:54,467 --> 00:01:57,701 I happen to think that some people look good in casual wear. 35 00:01:57,767 --> 00:01:59,234 Like who? 36 00:01:59,300 --> 00:02:02,000 Well, like me for example. 37 00:02:02,067 --> 00:02:03,968 Oh, good God, is that a fashion statement? 38 00:02:04,033 --> 00:02:06,234 I thought you were just allergic to everything else. 39 00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:09,400 What? This is J. Crew. I have tons of his stuff. 40 00:02:09,467 --> 00:02:12,000 I probably put his kids through college. 41 00:02:12,067 --> 00:02:13,434 Mmm-hmm. 42 00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:17,267 A, mail order was meant for discreet pornography. 43 00:02:18,968 --> 00:02:20,534 Amen to that, sister. 44 00:02:20,601 --> 00:02:23,968 And B, I hate to break this to you, 45 00:02:24,033 --> 00:02:25,467 but there is no such person as J. Crew. 46 00:02:25,534 --> 00:02:28,234 That is a made-up name. He doesn't exist. 47 00:02:28,300 --> 00:02:31,100 He doesn't? Are you sure? 48 00:02:31,167 --> 00:02:34,634 Maya, Maya, poor, naive woman-child Maya. 49 00:02:34,701 --> 00:02:36,467 There is no J. Crew. 50 00:02:36,534 --> 00:02:39,501 And, and furthermore, casual wear is for children. 51 00:02:39,567 --> 00:02:41,801 Adults should wear sophisticated clothing. 52 00:02:42,968 --> 00:02:44,734 We live in a world gone mad! 53 00:02:44,801 --> 00:02:47,801 I swear I would sleep with the next man I see wearing a hat! 54 00:02:51,033 --> 00:02:52,701 Run, dude! 55 00:02:56,300 --> 00:02:58,334 Hey. Hey. 56 00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:00,000 What's wrong with you, Elliott? 57 00:03:00,067 --> 00:03:02,367 Christmas. It's depressing. 58 00:03:02,434 --> 00:03:05,133 It's gotten so commercial, it's lost all its spiritual meaning. 59 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,267 No, it hasn't. This is such a cliche. 60 00:03:07,334 --> 00:03:11,200 Check it out! Lollipops in the shape of Jesus! 61 00:03:13,634 --> 00:03:15,267 "My Sweet Lord." 62 00:03:15,334 --> 00:03:17,434 JACK: Uh-huh. 63 00:03:17,501 --> 00:03:19,767 Somebody's going to hell. 64 00:03:19,834 --> 00:03:23,234 Okay, let's get started. We got a lot of work to do. 65 00:03:23,300 --> 00:03:26,367 Item one, I bought a little puppy as a surprise for Hannah. 66 00:03:26,434 --> 00:03:28,467 Oh, Dad, that is so nice... That's so sweet. 67 00:03:28,534 --> 00:03:30,734 And I need someone to keep it till I give it to her on Christmas. 68 00:03:30,801 --> 00:03:33,334 I can't. I'm... NINA: I'm highly allergic. I can't stand dogs. 69 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:34,667 I'll do it. 70 00:03:34,734 --> 00:03:37,334 Because a good deed is its own reward. 71 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:41,701 Although, since it's Christmas, a better reward might be a new set of wheels. 72 00:03:41,767 --> 00:03:45,100 Possibly a moped with a sidecar for the honeys. 73 00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:49,501 Dennis, you're not getting a moped. 74 00:03:49,567 --> 00:03:52,934 Moped, motor scooter, whatever. 75 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:57,100 Okay, one last reminder, for those who are interested in caroling tonight, 76 00:03:57,167 --> 00:04:02,868 we meet in the lobby at 6:00 p.m. Oh, oh, and we need somebody to be Santa Claus. 77 00:04:02,934 --> 00:04:04,434 I'll do it. 78 00:04:04,501 --> 00:04:06,868 Anybody at all. Uh, Elliott? 79 00:04:06,934 --> 00:04:09,601 I don't get Christmas. To me it's become a whole marketing... 80 00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:12,467 Very good. Anybody else? Nina? 81 00:04:12,534 --> 00:04:15,267 You like bouncing young men in your lap. 82 00:04:15,334 --> 00:04:17,000 Oh, no, I couldn't. 83 00:04:17,067 --> 00:04:18,467 Well, are you sure? 84 00:04:18,534 --> 00:04:22,167 Oh, I'm quite certain. The judge was most explicit on this point. 85 00:04:23,901 --> 00:04:26,534 Well, that only leaves one person. 86 00:04:26,601 --> 00:04:28,367 Ho, ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho. 87 00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:33,167 Okay, okay. I was merely concerned about your brittle thighs. 88 00:04:33,234 --> 00:04:36,601 I've been doing squats. Eighty pounds. 89 00:04:37,334 --> 00:04:39,033 Two sets of five. 90 00:04:41,901 --> 00:04:44,801 NARRATOR: And now we return to the office of Blush, 91 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:49,701 where Finch accused Nina of being a lush. 92 00:04:49,767 --> 00:04:52,667 Jack sat at his desk eating soup made from barley. 93 00:04:52,734 --> 00:04:56,200 And Maya still needed that one Sneezing Charlie. 94 00:04:56,267 --> 00:04:57,434 Dad? Hmm? 95 00:04:57,501 --> 00:04:58,868 Can I borrow your car? 96 00:04:58,934 --> 00:05:01,067 Sure. Where're you going? 97 00:05:01,133 --> 00:05:03,167 To the Paramus Park Mall to pick up one of those Sneezing Charlie dolls. 98 00:05:03,234 --> 00:05:06,234 It's the toy this year. When you clap, they go, "Achoo, achoo." 99 00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:07,667 (DOLL SNEEZING) 100 00:05:09,567 --> 00:05:11,467 MAYA: Where did you get these? 101 00:05:11,534 --> 00:05:15,834 Late last night at Toy Town. They do special favors for VIPs. 102 00:05:15,901 --> 00:05:17,267 (CLICKS TONGUE) 103 00:05:17,334 --> 00:05:20,300 Oh, my God, that was you! 104 00:05:20,367 --> 00:05:24,667 Dad, while you just waltzed in there, I and about 30 other people waited for hours 105 00:05:24,734 --> 00:05:26,534 in the cold for these dolls. 106 00:05:26,601 --> 00:05:29,200 Before you get all high and mighty on me, 107 00:05:29,267 --> 00:05:32,801 I happen to be giving them away to children throughout the city. 108 00:05:33,501 --> 00:05:36,334 Really? Oh. I'm sorry. 109 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:41,067 Well, maybe next time you'll get all the facts before you rush to judgment. 110 00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:43,234 Hey, Jack. Ralph Lauren is on a family ski trip. 111 00:05:43,300 --> 00:05:47,067 Should I overnight his Sneezing Charlies to Aspen for his grandkids? 112 00:05:47,133 --> 00:05:48,901 Ralph Lauren? 113 00:05:48,968 --> 00:05:51,934 Uh, whatever. Thank you. Bye now. 114 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:56,000 Did I say something wrong? If I did, it was an accident. That's not bad behavior. 115 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:02,200 These are your advertisers. They're all millionaires. 116 00:06:02,267 --> 00:06:07,100 So, millionaires have children, too. Or if not children, dogs. 117 00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:10,834 So, you seriously believe that Tommy Hilfiger's kids 118 00:06:10,901 --> 00:06:13,200 need this doll more than the little boy I tutor? 119 00:06:13,267 --> 00:06:15,334 Let me ask you a question, Maya. 120 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,534 Did the little boy you tutor 121 00:06:17,601 --> 00:06:22,734 have his favorite toy knocked into the ocean by the boom sail of his father's yacht? 122 00:06:22,801 --> 00:06:28,634 If I can fill that void and help dry his tears, then I've done my part. 123 00:06:31,334 --> 00:06:36,801 And if, say, his father returns the favor by buying more ads in your magazine... 124 00:06:36,868 --> 00:06:40,667 Then everybody wins! 125 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:45,400 Congratulations! You've managed to completely debase the spirit of Christmas. 126 00:06:46,968 --> 00:06:48,567 (SLAMS) 127 00:06:48,634 --> 00:06:52,200 SNEEZING CHARLIE: Achoo! I don't feel good. My head hurts. 128 00:06:52,267 --> 00:06:54,601 You ought to meet her mother. 129 00:07:08,634 --> 00:07:11,567 Correct me if I'm wrong, but you seem a little down. 130 00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:18,467 It's Christmas. I know I should be happy, but I just feel, like, 131 00:07:20,434 --> 00:07:22,167 so empty. 132 00:07:22,234 --> 00:07:24,200 Aw, you know what you need? 133 00:07:24,267 --> 00:07:26,334 You need to do something incredibly Christmassy. 134 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:30,100 Like go out and get a tree. Or better yet, put on a coat and tie. 135 00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:33,534 Huh. 136 00:07:33,601 --> 00:07:38,634 We don't have a tree, do we? I like Christmas trees. They're simple and pure. 137 00:07:39,467 --> 00:07:40,834 I think I'm gonna go get one. 138 00:07:40,901 --> 00:07:42,300 Atta boy. 139 00:07:42,367 --> 00:07:45,300 Yeah. But, uh, first I'm gonna swing by the hospital. 140 00:07:45,367 --> 00:07:47,267 I think I have a concussion. 141 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:52,334 Hey, Dennis, guess what I got in here. 142 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:53,701 A human head? 143 00:07:53,767 --> 00:07:56,067 Better. It's Hannah's new puppy! 144 00:07:56,133 --> 00:07:57,234 (EXCLAIMING) 145 00:07:57,300 --> 00:07:59,234 Look at him. Isn't he adorable? 146 00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:02,934 I wanna hold you and cuddle you and take care of you forever. 147 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,200 Okay, gotta run. 148 00:08:04,267 --> 00:08:06,234 Hey, hey. Wait. Where're you going? 149 00:08:06,300 --> 00:08:08,467 To pick up Hannah and Allie for the caroling. 150 00:08:08,534 --> 00:08:10,267 So get into your Santa suit. 151 00:08:10,334 --> 00:08:12,501 Oh, and keep everyone out of my office. 152 00:08:12,567 --> 00:08:14,634 That's where all the presents are. 153 00:08:14,701 --> 00:08:16,234 Including all of mine? 154 00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:19,067 You're only getting one, Dennis. It's from all of us. 155 00:08:19,133 --> 00:08:20,968 When you say one, does that include the helmet? 156 00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:24,534 It's not a moped. And no snooping! 157 00:08:24,601 --> 00:08:26,300 No way. Not me. 158 00:08:32,901 --> 00:08:35,334 Now don't be a bad dog and go in Jack's office. 159 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,467 Bad boy, don't you go in there. 160 00:08:45,834 --> 00:08:48,367 What are you doing? You're not a good doggie! 161 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:52,200 Oh! 162 00:08:52,267 --> 00:08:54,801 NARRATOR: Jack's office was littered with presents galore. 163 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:58,167 Gifts upon gifts, from ceiling to floor. 164 00:08:58,234 --> 00:09:00,767 From Jack to Nina, a gift most endearing. 165 00:09:00,834 --> 00:09:04,000 A beautiful necklace with matching gold earrings. 166 00:09:04,067 --> 00:09:06,801 From Maya to Elliot, a mini TV. 167 00:09:06,868 --> 00:09:11,100 From Elliot to Jack, not one club but three. 168 00:09:11,167 --> 00:09:14,300 Frantic he searched, as each gift got better. 169 00:09:14,367 --> 00:09:18,734 Until he found his, a little bit wetter. 170 00:09:18,801 --> 00:09:21,501 Bad dog! 171 00:09:21,567 --> 00:09:24,434 Finch looked at the package with anticipation. 172 00:09:24,501 --> 00:09:29,167 Since they all had chipped in, he had high expectation. 173 00:09:29,234 --> 00:09:33,601 He opened his present. It made his blood curdle... 174 00:09:33,667 --> 00:09:38,400 His gift was a calendar, shaped like a turtle! 175 00:09:38,467 --> 00:09:39,968 "Turtles of the World"? 176 00:09:40,033 --> 00:09:41,901 Finch said with great rage. 177 00:09:41,968 --> 00:09:45,000 Turtles and turtles, on every page! 178 00:09:45,067 --> 00:09:46,601 Those dirty little... 179 00:09:46,667 --> 00:09:49,501 He expressed his displeasure with color and flair. 180 00:09:49,567 --> 00:09:52,901 Using words that our censors will not let us share. 181 00:09:52,968 --> 00:09:57,234 Then Finch got a thought, it just popped in his head. 182 00:09:57,300 --> 00:10:01,334 A thought full of evil and malice and dread. 183 00:10:02,767 --> 00:10:04,934 I'll teach them a lesson, oh, yes. 184 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:11,701 The Finch ranted. This was one Finch who would not be taken for granted. 185 00:10:11,767 --> 00:10:15,434 He asked for a yard and they gave him an inch. 186 00:10:15,501 --> 00:10:20,167 So Christmas this year would be stolen by a Finch. 187 00:10:25,501 --> 00:10:28,200 Once the caroling finally ended, 188 00:10:28,267 --> 00:10:32,801 the Finch snuck upstairs, just as he intended. 189 00:10:32,868 --> 00:10:36,868 He tiptoed inside, like a mean Santa Claus. 190 00:10:36,934 --> 00:10:40,868 And started his dastardly plan without pause. 191 00:10:40,934 --> 00:10:44,167 He replaced all the gifts he had bought for each friend. 192 00:10:44,234 --> 00:10:46,167 Take that! The Finch growled. 193 00:10:46,234 --> 00:10:47,300 Kiss my ass! 194 00:10:47,367 --> 00:10:50,100 Ahem. Rear end. 195 00:10:50,167 --> 00:10:53,133 For Nina a gift she would most despise. 196 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:56,334 Some cheap wrinkle cream, industrial size. 197 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:58,834 Now Elliot's turn to suffer some digs. 198 00:10:58,901 --> 00:11:01,934 For the bald man, a set of flowing blonde wigs. 199 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,801 For Maya and Jack, gifts equally vicious. 200 00:11:04,868 --> 00:11:08,167 The Finch's revenge would be awfully delicious. 201 00:11:09,434 --> 00:11:14,067 * You're a scoundrel, Mr. Finch 202 00:11:14,133 --> 00:11:18,534 * You really are a slime 203 00:11:18,601 --> 00:11:21,300 * You're as evil as the devil 204 00:11:21,367 --> 00:11:26,234 * As annoying as a mime, Mr. Finch 205 00:11:26,300 --> 00:11:33,267 * You are, without exception, the most morally depraved creep of all time 206 00:11:37,834 --> 00:11:42,200 * You're a serpent, Mr. Finch 207 00:11:42,267 --> 00:11:47,033 * You're a sleazy, slimy worm 208 00:11:47,100 --> 00:11:54,167 * You have all the inner kindness of a flesh-consuming germ, Mr. Finch 209 00:11:54,234 --> 00:11:55,968 * If meanness were a crime 210 00:11:56,033 --> 00:11:59,267 * For which you could be arrested, convicted and then sent to prison 211 00:11:59,334 --> 00:12:04,934 * You'd serve a 99-and-a-half-year term * 212 00:12:13,534 --> 00:12:15,634 (PEOPLE CHATTERING) 213 00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:17,367 What can I get ya? 214 00:12:17,434 --> 00:12:19,400 Oh, something Christmassy. 215 00:12:19,467 --> 00:12:21,234 Um, double scotch on the rocks. 216 00:12:23,567 --> 00:12:25,100 Why is that Christmassy? 217 00:12:25,167 --> 00:12:27,267 What are you, a priest? Just pour. 218 00:12:29,734 --> 00:12:31,467 MAN: That's a lovely dress. 219 00:12:31,534 --> 00:12:33,868 Oh, thanks. 220 00:12:33,934 --> 00:12:36,067 You look very woodsy. 221 00:12:37,367 --> 00:12:40,300 Yeah. Gotta be comfortable, right? 222 00:12:40,367 --> 00:12:42,834 Good Lord, he's one of those. 223 00:12:42,901 --> 00:12:45,767 Hi. I'm, uh... I'm Jay. And you are? 224 00:12:45,834 --> 00:12:48,434 Being hit on by a lumberjack. 225 00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:51,100 I thought Manhattan was pretty much logged out. 226 00:12:51,167 --> 00:12:55,200 Well, actually, uh, I'm just in town enjoying the holiday season. 227 00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:59,601 Please tell me that's not your Playbill. 228 00:12:59,667 --> 00:13:02,734 Yeah, I, uh... I went to the theater tonight. 229 00:13:02,801 --> 00:13:04,834 Well, not dressed like that, I hope. 230 00:13:04,901 --> 00:13:06,534 Sure, why not? 231 00:13:06,601 --> 00:13:09,534 I just don't believe in casual wear. 232 00:13:09,601 --> 00:13:10,801 You don't mean that. 233 00:13:10,868 --> 00:13:12,100 Oh, I most certainly do. 234 00:13:13,300 --> 00:13:15,133 Let me ask you something. 235 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:18,334 Do you remember the feeling you had when you were a little kid, 236 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:22,000 when you came home from church and you just couldn't wait to get out of those 237 00:13:22,067 --> 00:13:25,801 stiff clothes and put on a comfortable pair of jeans? 238 00:13:27,033 --> 00:13:28,934 Where did that little girl go? 239 00:13:30,968 --> 00:13:32,267 I... I don't know what you're talking about. 240 00:13:32,334 --> 00:13:33,334 BARTENDER: Here you go, Mr. Crew. 241 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:34,400 Thank you. 242 00:13:38,434 --> 00:13:42,367 Mr. Crew? Jay Crew? Oh, that's rich. 243 00:13:42,434 --> 00:13:43,501 How's that? 244 00:13:43,567 --> 00:13:46,767 Well, J. Crew. Like the catalog. 245 00:13:46,834 --> 00:13:48,334 Oh, you've seen my catalog? 246 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,133 (SCOFFS) Your catalog? What are you talking about? 247 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:54,801 There is no J. Crew. I am quite sure of that. 248 00:13:54,868 --> 00:13:56,667 That's why I've come, Nina. 249 00:14:06,834 --> 00:14:12,834 Yes, I know that doll is impossible to get, but anything for you, Vera. 250 00:14:12,901 --> 00:14:15,334 We have a little saying around here at Blush, 251 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:18,801 "You can never have too much Wang." 252 00:14:18,868 --> 00:14:21,367 (LAUGHS) Okay. Happy Holidays. 253 00:14:23,067 --> 00:14:25,501 Boys, you're paying off already. 254 00:14:26,367 --> 00:14:29,434 (DOLLS SNEEZING) 255 00:14:29,501 --> 00:14:32,434 Ha! Gets me every time. 256 00:14:32,501 --> 00:14:34,234 SNEEZING CHARLIE: You make me sick. 257 00:14:40,033 --> 00:14:41,234 (DOLLS SNEEZING) 258 00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:42,601 SNEEZING CHARLIE 1: My nose is running. 259 00:14:42,667 --> 00:14:44,234 SNEEZING CHARLIE 2: You're selfish, Jack. 260 00:14:45,901 --> 00:14:47,667 (LAUGHS) 261 00:14:47,734 --> 00:14:49,767 SNEEZING CHARLIE 2: Don't laugh at me. 262 00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:52,601 What the hell? 263 00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:55,634 You heard me, you fat cat! 264 00:14:55,701 --> 00:15:00,467 Hey, business is business. I can live with myself, so lay off. 265 00:15:00,534 --> 00:15:04,300 SNEEZING CHARLIE: Give us to poor kids or we'll haunt you in your dreams! 266 00:15:04,367 --> 00:15:05,801 What? 267 00:15:05,868 --> 00:15:10,868 I said, give us to poor kids or we'll rip your face off your skull! 268 00:15:15,634 --> 00:15:17,267 (LAUGHING) 269 00:15:18,801 --> 00:15:20,234 Oh, bad Maya. 270 00:15:23,767 --> 00:15:26,167 Nina, look at you. 271 00:15:28,701 --> 00:15:31,067 You'll never guess who I met last night. 272 00:15:32,033 --> 00:15:33,033 J. Crew. 273 00:15:33,868 --> 00:15:34,934 Huh? 274 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,534 Yes, Maya, there is a J. Crew. 275 00:15:39,501 --> 00:15:44,200 And he helped me rediscover the spirit of casual wear. 276 00:15:44,267 --> 00:15:47,367 I walked to work this morning, Maya, and I was warm and comfortable 277 00:15:47,434 --> 00:15:50,234 in a way that I haven't been since I was a little girl. 278 00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:51,667 But Nina... 279 00:15:51,734 --> 00:15:53,801 Oh, I know you don't believe this, do you? 280 00:15:53,868 --> 00:15:57,901 But J. Crew does exist, in each and every one of us. 281 00:15:57,968 --> 00:16:00,701 In every Dad who ever went sledding with his son. 282 00:16:00,767 --> 00:16:05,901 And every rugby player who ever walked his Labrador along the frozen banks of a river. 283 00:16:05,968 --> 00:16:10,067 And every couple who ever sipped coffee on a redwood deck in their underwear. 284 00:16:11,934 --> 00:16:16,133 Um, Nina, I called the company, and you were right. 285 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,300 There is no J. Crew. There never was. He doesn't exist. 286 00:16:20,934 --> 00:16:23,567 Are you sure? 287 00:16:23,634 --> 00:16:25,634 I'm positive. 288 00:16:25,701 --> 00:16:28,334 Then who the hell did I sleep with last night? 289 00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:34,200 Hey, you guys! Come on. I wanna show you something. 290 00:16:36,467 --> 00:16:38,000 Hey, you seem a lot better. 291 00:16:38,067 --> 00:16:39,434 Oh, I am. 292 00:16:39,501 --> 00:16:42,067 I spent all morning looking for a tree, and it was great. 293 00:16:42,133 --> 00:16:46,300 Children running around, and the scent of pine needles, and Christmas was in the air. 294 00:16:46,367 --> 00:16:48,267 And then I saw it. 295 00:16:48,334 --> 00:16:51,133 The sweetest little Christmas tree I've ever seen. 296 00:16:53,901 --> 00:16:55,267 You're joking, right? 297 00:16:55,334 --> 00:16:56,601 No. Why? 298 00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:59,400 This isn't a tree. It's so scrawny and anemic. 299 00:16:59,467 --> 00:17:02,300 Looks like it hasn't seen sunlight in months. 300 00:17:02,367 --> 00:17:03,467 So do you. 301 00:17:04,868 --> 00:17:06,667 It is a pretty lame tree, Elliott. 302 00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:10,133 No, it's not. It's great. It just needs to be fixed up a little. 303 00:17:13,434 --> 00:17:15,033 Nice going, brickhead. 304 00:17:16,367 --> 00:17:19,901 What's wrong with me? I'm such a loser. 305 00:17:22,033 --> 00:17:25,934 Come on, girls. Let's get you undressed and take some pictures. 306 00:17:28,934 --> 00:17:32,400 NARRATOR: The work was all done, the gifts were all near. 307 00:17:32,467 --> 00:17:35,534 Nina was two drinks from faxing her rear. 308 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,634 Merry Christmas! 309 00:17:39,701 --> 00:17:42,701 Merry Christmas, to everyone! 310 00:17:42,767 --> 00:17:45,200 And a Happy Hanukkah to you, Persky. 311 00:17:45,267 --> 00:17:47,133 Oh, thank you, sir. 312 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:51,234 We love you, Persky. And I just wanted to make you feel comfortable. 313 00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:54,434 Didn't want you to feel left out, different from everyone else. 314 00:17:54,501 --> 00:17:57,501 You know, like you didn't belong. 315 00:17:58,701 --> 00:18:00,701 Thank you, sir. 316 00:18:00,767 --> 00:18:05,033 Dad? Where've you been all day? 317 00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:09,434 I just brought all the Sneezing Charlie dolls down to the Children's Center. 318 00:18:10,634 --> 00:18:14,434 Wow. I'm shocked. You gave them all away? 319 00:18:14,501 --> 00:18:17,801 Well, all except two. One I saved for that little boy you tutor. 320 00:18:17,868 --> 00:18:19,367 Oh! 321 00:18:19,434 --> 00:18:23,300 And one I had dismantled and buried under the Meadowlands. 322 00:18:23,367 --> 00:18:25,634 Maya, do you have the copy for... 323 00:18:25,701 --> 00:18:27,601 Wow, look at my tree. 324 00:18:27,667 --> 00:18:29,000 Um... 325 00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:31,000 You see? I told you it was a great tree. 326 00:18:31,067 --> 00:18:32,767 I told you it would be beautiful. 327 00:18:32,834 --> 00:18:34,100 Actually... 328 00:18:34,167 --> 00:18:36,334 I think we've all learned a valuable lesson. 329 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:39,133 Every living creature deserves to feel loved, 330 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,067 to feel needed, especially at Christmas. 331 00:18:42,133 --> 00:18:45,934 I mean, and if you just take the time to really look, you could 332 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:49,200 find beauty in... Oh, in the most unlikely places. 333 00:18:49,267 --> 00:18:50,267 Like in the garbage. 334 00:18:50,334 --> 00:18:52,968 Yes, even in the garbage! 335 00:18:53,033 --> 00:18:55,367 Everyone's here! Let's open some presents! 336 00:18:55,434 --> 00:18:57,734 Oh, look at him, he's like a little kid. 337 00:18:57,801 --> 00:18:59,133 (LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY) 338 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:02,300 Ha, relax, Dennis. You'll get yours. 339 00:19:02,367 --> 00:19:03,601 As will you. 340 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:07,033 All right, let's open some stuff! 341 00:19:07,100 --> 00:19:08,701 What's your rush? 342 00:19:08,767 --> 00:19:13,901 Well, I'm sure Persky here has to get to temple before sundown or something. 343 00:19:13,968 --> 00:19:16,567 Could you show a little consideration for our Jewish friends? 344 00:19:16,634 --> 00:19:17,968 Actually, Hanukkah was last week and... 345 00:19:18,033 --> 00:19:20,367 Ah, zip it, Persky. 346 00:19:20,434 --> 00:19:22,167 Before we get to the presents, how about a toast? 347 00:19:22,234 --> 00:19:23,200 All right. 348 00:19:23,267 --> 00:19:25,601 Allow me. To opening presents! 349 00:19:25,667 --> 00:19:27,934 Hey, good idea. How about I go first? 350 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:33,200 Okay. This is from Maya, Nina, Elliott and me. 351 00:19:33,267 --> 00:19:34,834 Ah! Wonder what it is? 352 00:19:37,834 --> 00:19:40,200 Turtles of the world. 353 00:19:40,267 --> 00:19:43,534 Oh, it's just what I've always wanted. 354 00:19:43,601 --> 00:19:50,234 This makes my hard work, low pay and lack of respect all seem worthwhile. 355 00:19:50,300 --> 00:19:55,167 And look, it's this year's calendar! I'll cherish this for the next eight days. 356 00:19:55,834 --> 00:19:56,968 Okay. Your turn. 357 00:19:57,033 --> 00:19:58,434 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 358 00:19:58,501 --> 00:20:00,234 Open this one up, Elliott. It's from me. 359 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:04,334 Wait, Dennis! You have to look on December 25th! 360 00:20:08,133 --> 00:20:10,734 "Bon Voyage"? What does that mean? 361 00:20:10,801 --> 00:20:12,834 (CHUCKLES) 362 00:20:12,901 --> 00:20:15,167 We all chipped in to get you a trip to Turtle Bay resort in Hawaii. 363 00:20:15,234 --> 00:20:18,234 And we also rented one of those mopeds, like you like. 364 00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,000 NINA: You leave on Sunday. 365 00:20:20,067 --> 00:20:21,801 (ALL LAUGH) 366 00:20:24,434 --> 00:20:26,033 Huh? 367 00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:30,534 It's just our way of saying thank you for everything you do for us all year. 368 00:20:30,601 --> 00:20:34,801 Merry Christmas, Dennis. Merry Christmas. 369 00:20:34,868 --> 00:20:38,000 NARRATOR: Now, I don't know for sure, but so I am told. 370 00:20:38,067 --> 00:20:43,667 The Finch's black heart turned completely to gold. 371 00:20:43,734 --> 00:20:47,534 Nicest thing anybody's ever done for me. 372 00:20:47,601 --> 00:20:51,200 NARRATOR: For once the Finch felt like more than a peasant. 373 00:20:51,267 --> 00:20:55,100 Then he noticed that Elliott had opened his present. 374 00:20:57,901 --> 00:21:01,467 "To Elliott, from Finch. Take that, you baldheaded loser." 375 00:21:04,501 --> 00:21:06,567 What the hell? 376 00:21:06,634 --> 00:21:10,434 NARRATOR: A Finch, he is clever. He always survives. 377 00:21:10,501 --> 00:21:11,868 (SIREN WAILING) 378 00:21:11,934 --> 00:21:15,067 Fire! Fire! Run for your lives! 379 00:21:15,133 --> 00:21:20,033 NARRATOR: And those jingle bells rang from New York to New Jersey, 380 00:21:20,100 --> 00:21:25,200 Merry Christmas to all, and Happy Hanukkah to Persky. 381 00:21:26,901 --> 00:21:28,534 PERSKY: Thank you, sir. 382 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:41,734 * Life keeps bringing me back to you 383 00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:45,667 * Keeps bringing me home 384 00:21:45,734 --> 00:21:48,701 * It don't matter what I wanna do 385 00:21:48,767 --> 00:21:53,834 * 'Cause it's got a mind of its own 386 00:21:55,267 --> 00:21:59,567 * Life keeps bringing me back to you *