1 00:00:03,334 --> 00:00:04,734 Good morning, Dennis. 2 00:00:04,801 --> 00:00:07,033 Hey, Jack, if it's okay, I'm gonna call maintenance 3 00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:09,367 and have them hang a shelf back here for some personal stuff. 4 00:00:09,434 --> 00:00:10,501 No, it's not okay. 5 00:00:10,567 --> 00:00:12,434 Come on! 6 00:00:12,501 --> 00:00:14,200 People bring me ceramic kitties from all over the world 7 00:00:14,267 --> 00:00:16,133 and I wanna share them with the office. 8 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:19,434 No, I meant you should be more handy and do it yourself. 9 00:00:19,501 --> 00:00:21,767 Modern man is way too dependent. 10 00:00:21,834 --> 00:00:24,767 Tell you what, I'll get my new executive tool-kit 11 00:00:24,834 --> 00:00:26,501 and I'll put up your shelf myself. 12 00:00:26,567 --> 00:00:31,167 Oh, that's the spirit. Brave move. Very admirable. 13 00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:34,734 Hey, maintenance? Yeah. 14 00:00:34,801 --> 00:00:37,901 I'll need a drywaller, a painter and a paramedic. 15 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:39,567 Great. 16 00:00:40,801 --> 00:00:42,901 Morning, all. 17 00:00:42,968 --> 00:00:45,567 Oh, God, what's that filthy thing doing in the office? 18 00:00:45,634 --> 00:00:47,734 Oh, come on, she works here. 19 00:00:51,367 --> 00:00:53,133 Please, I am not in the mood. 20 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:55,567 Dorna Luge gave out parakeets at the party 21 00:00:55,634 --> 00:00:57,000 celebrating her summer collection, 22 00:00:57,067 --> 00:00:59,267 and the dumb thing kept me up all night. 23 00:00:59,334 --> 00:01:01,167 Ooh, Dorna Luge is back in the country? 24 00:01:01,234 --> 00:01:02,267 Did she bring me anything? 25 00:01:02,334 --> 00:01:04,534 Yeah. Here. 26 00:01:04,601 --> 00:01:06,634 (CHUCKLES) Ooh! Meow, meow. 27 00:01:08,300 --> 00:01:10,734 A calico. 28 00:01:10,801 --> 00:01:15,801 Oh, why'd they have to queer it up with a pink collar? 29 00:01:15,868 --> 00:01:18,033 Nina, couldn't you've left that thing at home? 30 00:01:18,100 --> 00:01:19,467 Well, I would have, but Dorna mentioned 31 00:01:19,534 --> 00:01:21,534 she might stop by the office 32 00:01:21,601 --> 00:01:23,701 and I wanted her to see how much I love her asinine party favor. 33 00:01:23,767 --> 00:01:26,133 Since when do you care what Dorna Luge thinks? 34 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:30,133 Since she hosts a voyage to Greece on her yacht every summer. 35 00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:34,300 It's two glorious weeks of beautiful people and flowing champagne. 36 00:01:34,367 --> 00:01:38,767 My God, there'll be more pairing off than on Noah's Ark. 37 00:01:38,834 --> 00:01:40,300 Just keep that thing in your office. 38 00:01:40,367 --> 00:01:42,767 I don't want it destroying the place. 39 00:01:42,834 --> 00:01:44,000 Clear! 40 00:01:45,901 --> 00:01:49,100 And that concludes today's episode of "This Old Man." 41 00:02:17,133 --> 00:02:19,133 Hey, Maya. Morning, Elliott. 42 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:20,968 Listen, are you doing anything on Sunday? 43 00:02:21,033 --> 00:02:22,501 Why? What's up? 44 00:02:22,567 --> 00:02:25,067 My family's having a birthday party for my little brother. 45 00:02:25,133 --> 00:02:27,467 And you're inviting me? That is so sweet. 46 00:02:27,534 --> 00:02:29,634 Wait. Why are you inviting me? 47 00:02:29,701 --> 00:02:31,434 Because I like you. And I thought you'd get a kick 48 00:02:31,501 --> 00:02:33,400 out of a big Italian Sunday dinner. 49 00:02:33,467 --> 00:02:37,400 That is so nice. Why, really? 50 00:02:37,467 --> 00:02:40,300 Okay, my mother's always trying to set me up with the neighbor's daughter. 51 00:02:40,367 --> 00:02:41,667 And you want me there because... 52 00:02:41,734 --> 00:02:43,067 She's got a lower lip like a pelican. 53 00:02:43,133 --> 00:02:45,100 Pass. Come on. Come on. 54 00:02:45,167 --> 00:02:48,400 It'll mean a lot to my brother to meet somebody new. 55 00:02:49,501 --> 00:02:52,334 What does that mean? 56 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:55,234 Well, my brother had an accident when he was 18. 57 00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:56,801 He fell. 58 00:02:56,868 --> 00:02:59,200 See, now, he's a little slow. 59 00:02:59,267 --> 00:03:01,033 Oh. Oh! 60 00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:02,701 Yeah. I mean, he's the sweetest guy in the world. 61 00:03:02,767 --> 00:03:04,200 You'll love him. 62 00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:06,267 Well, yeah. Sure. Yeah. 63 00:03:06,334 --> 00:03:07,834 Great! Great! I mean, you'll... 64 00:03:07,901 --> 00:03:09,434 You know, have good food. You'll drink some wine. 65 00:03:09,501 --> 00:03:11,167 You'll feel like you're part of the family. 66 00:03:11,234 --> 00:03:13,067 And by the way, just don't wear any make-up. 67 00:03:13,133 --> 00:03:14,334 Why not? 68 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:16,534 My mother will call you a whore. 69 00:03:19,968 --> 00:03:23,634 Dennis, is there anything for patching a wall in my tool-kit? 70 00:03:23,701 --> 00:03:24,801 Nope. 71 00:03:26,167 --> 00:03:29,334 Well, then exchange it for the executive hammock. 72 00:03:43,801 --> 00:03:45,267 Hey, what's this? 73 00:03:45,334 --> 00:03:46,367 What? 74 00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:47,567 This. 75 00:03:47,634 --> 00:03:49,701 Let me see. Oh. 76 00:03:49,767 --> 00:03:51,267 You know what that is? 77 00:03:51,334 --> 00:03:53,300 One of those old pneumatic tube systems 78 00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:55,567 for sending paperwork around the building. 79 00:03:55,634 --> 00:03:59,334 Oh, my God, you're right. I'll telegraph President Coolidge. 80 00:04:01,701 --> 00:04:05,767 No, but I wonder if it still works. 81 00:04:05,834 --> 00:04:07,000 Ah, I'd be surprised. 82 00:04:07,067 --> 00:04:08,200 (HISSING) 83 00:04:08,267 --> 00:04:09,767 (CHUCKLING) Yeah. 84 00:04:09,834 --> 00:04:11,934 No big deal. That was my cheap watch. 85 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,067 I gave you that watch. 86 00:04:14,133 --> 00:04:16,567 Who wants a watch with a cat on it? 87 00:04:24,501 --> 00:04:25,534 Hey. Hey. 88 00:04:25,601 --> 00:04:26,634 Elliott! 89 00:04:26,701 --> 00:04:28,200 Ma! Oh, honey! 90 00:04:28,267 --> 00:04:30,801 Hi, Ma. Hey, everybody. 91 00:04:30,868 --> 00:04:33,334 Oh, it's so good to see you. 92 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:34,901 I want you to meet Maya. 93 00:04:34,968 --> 00:04:37,334 Hi, Mrs. DiMauro. It's so nice to meet you. 94 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:39,868 Oh, it's nice to meet you, too. 95 00:04:40,667 --> 00:04:42,734 Are you wearing rouge? 96 00:04:42,801 --> 00:04:44,200 No. 97 00:04:44,267 --> 00:04:47,234 'Cause it looks like you're wearing rouge. 98 00:04:47,300 --> 00:04:49,501 It's really cold out. I swear. 99 00:04:51,701 --> 00:04:53,767 Okay. 100 00:04:53,834 --> 00:04:57,667 Come on. I'll introduce you to my brother Donnie. 101 00:04:57,734 --> 00:05:01,400 Donnie! Donnie, this is my friend, Maya! 102 00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:03,567 Happy birthday, Donnie! 103 00:05:03,634 --> 00:05:07,400 I'm Donnie with a "D." Green quarter? 104 00:05:07,467 --> 00:05:08,501 Huh? 105 00:05:08,567 --> 00:05:11,033 He likes it when people give him money. 106 00:05:11,100 --> 00:05:12,200 Oh. 107 00:05:13,167 --> 00:05:14,467 Here you go. 108 00:05:14,534 --> 00:05:16,434 Green quarter. 109 00:05:16,501 --> 00:05:18,334 He likes paper money. 110 00:05:19,801 --> 00:05:23,300 Okay. Here you go. 111 00:05:23,834 --> 00:05:25,434 Thank you. 112 00:05:25,501 --> 00:05:26,634 I'm all done! 113 00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:28,734 Oh, I'll get that. 114 00:05:28,801 --> 00:05:30,200 I'll get it. 115 00:05:32,133 --> 00:05:34,701 I love you, Ma. 116 00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:39,000 Oh, you see, that makes it all worthwhile. 117 00:05:39,834 --> 00:05:42,100 I love you, table. 118 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:48,300 Okay, Donnie. You wanna help me with the dishes, huh? 119 00:05:48,367 --> 00:05:49,400 Break the dishes! 120 00:05:49,467 --> 00:05:50,834 Never mind. 121 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,400 Donnie, you want something to drink? 122 00:05:54,467 --> 00:05:56,400 Donnie wants a beer. 123 00:05:56,467 --> 00:05:57,601 You know what the doctor said... 124 00:05:57,667 --> 00:05:58,667 Donnie wants a beer! 125 00:05:58,734 --> 00:06:00,400 Okay. Okay. Okay. Maya? 126 00:06:00,467 --> 00:06:01,734 A glass of wine would be great. 127 00:06:01,801 --> 00:06:02,901 Okay. 128 00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:08,567 So, today is your birthday. 129 00:06:16,234 --> 00:06:17,734 You're pretty. 130 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:20,734 Thank you. 131 00:06:23,667 --> 00:06:25,334 Donnie wants a kiss. 132 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,868 (CHUCKLING) Oh, that's... 133 00:06:27,934 --> 00:06:29,400 That's sweet. 134 00:06:31,801 --> 00:06:33,000 Kissey. 135 00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:36,767 Oh, well... 136 00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:41,801 No, Donnie want a kiss like on Showtime. 137 00:06:46,167 --> 00:06:48,467 Well, I don't think we know each other well enough. 138 00:06:48,534 --> 00:06:50,801 But you can be my pretend boyfriend. 139 00:06:50,868 --> 00:06:52,868 So, you like football, huh? 140 00:06:54,734 --> 00:06:58,100 Donnie has a secret. You promise not to tell anybody? 141 00:06:58,934 --> 00:07:00,667 Well, sure, I promise. 142 00:07:00,734 --> 00:07:02,367 Swear, cross your heart? 143 00:07:02,434 --> 00:07:03,868 Cross my heart. 144 00:07:03,934 --> 00:07:05,934 On a stack of Bible books. 145 00:07:06,534 --> 00:07:07,734 I swear. 146 00:07:08,634 --> 00:07:10,501 Okay, here's the deal. 147 00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:15,334 I'm not really slow, all right? 148 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:16,868 I faked falling out of that tree. 149 00:07:16,934 --> 00:07:18,300 And now everybody waits on me hand and foot. 150 00:07:18,367 --> 00:07:20,734 It is the sweetest scam in the world. 151 00:07:29,133 --> 00:07:30,801 What? Yeah. 152 00:07:30,868 --> 00:07:32,601 So, you wanna go get some sushi? 153 00:07:32,667 --> 00:07:36,367 Have a little sake? Get a little weird? Whatever? 154 00:07:36,434 --> 00:07:37,434 (STUTTERING) I... 155 00:07:37,501 --> 00:07:40,434 It's okay, babe. I'm not really dumb. 156 00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:44,067 I'm just slow in the good ways. 157 00:07:44,133 --> 00:07:46,000 ALL: Happy Birthday, Donnie! 158 00:07:46,067 --> 00:07:47,200 Yay! 159 00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:50,767 Okay, now, blow out the candles. 160 00:07:51,701 --> 00:07:53,400 Yay! 161 00:07:54,968 --> 00:07:56,868 Oh, Donnie. 162 00:07:58,167 --> 00:08:01,968 Donnie's sticky. Maya give Donnie a bath. 163 00:08:03,467 --> 00:08:05,734 That's so cute. He likes you. 164 00:08:16,033 --> 00:08:18,934 What an amazing system. 165 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:21,467 I just wish I knew where the hell these things ended up. 166 00:08:25,901 --> 00:08:28,234 I tell you, it's like the Bermuda Triangle. 167 00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:30,367 Let's do some light bulbs. 168 00:08:33,801 --> 00:08:37,701 Finch, can you pre-chew this olive? I need to feed the parakeet. 169 00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:40,400 Excuse me? 170 00:08:40,467 --> 00:08:43,667 What part of pre-chew an olive and feed a parakeet don't you understand? 171 00:08:43,734 --> 00:08:47,033 All of it. For starters, parakeets don't eat olives. 172 00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:50,634 Oh, who cares? In two hours Dorna Luge will drop by for lunch, 173 00:08:50,701 --> 00:08:53,567 see how much I love her gift, and invite me to go yachting. 174 00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:56,901 Bad news. Dorna Luge had to put off lunch 'till tomorrow. 175 00:08:56,968 --> 00:09:00,367 So, to make up for it, she sent over a few more birds. 176 00:09:00,434 --> 00:09:01,901 How much is a few? 177 00:09:01,968 --> 00:09:03,234 Hmm, 100. 178 00:09:04,334 --> 00:09:06,567 There are 100 birds in my office? 179 00:09:06,634 --> 00:09:08,400 Well, 99. 180 00:09:08,467 --> 00:09:12,501 One of them took a sip of your "orange juice" and flew into a fan. 181 00:09:14,501 --> 00:09:18,400 Hey, Finch, this is my little brother, Donnie. 182 00:09:18,467 --> 00:09:19,701 (EXCLAIMS) 183 00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:21,734 Blush rhymes with comb. 184 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:23,434 Yeah. 185 00:09:23,501 --> 00:09:25,100 ELLIOTT: Yeah. 186 00:09:25,167 --> 00:09:28,400 For some reason he really wanted to come to work with me today. 187 00:09:30,133 --> 00:09:32,734 Hey, what's going on there, brother? 188 00:09:32,801 --> 00:09:34,300 You're small. 189 00:09:39,968 --> 00:09:42,667 Hmm, I seem to be having a moral dilemma. 190 00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:47,000 Elliott, can I talk to you? 191 00:09:47,067 --> 00:09:48,901 Yeah, just one minute. 192 00:09:48,968 --> 00:09:50,701 Jack, I told you about my little brother, Donnie, right? 193 00:09:50,767 --> 00:09:52,133 Yes, you have. 194 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:55,968 Hey, Donnie, wanna see a magic trick? 195 00:09:56,033 --> 00:09:57,234 No. 196 00:09:57,300 --> 00:09:59,434 Sure you do. 197 00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:04,968 Alakazam! I made the pencil rubber. 198 00:10:06,534 --> 00:10:08,400 Donnie need quiet time. 199 00:10:11,367 --> 00:10:14,133 How did Donnie get hurt? 200 00:10:14,767 --> 00:10:16,367 Why? 201 00:10:16,434 --> 00:10:17,901 I was just wondering. 202 00:10:17,968 --> 00:10:19,200 It's not important. 203 00:10:19,267 --> 00:10:22,367 I'm just so curious about what happened with him. 204 00:10:25,901 --> 00:10:27,634 It was the summer after he graduated high school. 205 00:10:27,701 --> 00:10:31,267 We were playing Frisbee, and I threw it too high and it landed in a tree. 206 00:10:31,334 --> 00:10:34,467 Well, Donnie volunteered to go get it, which wasn't at all like him. 207 00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:37,200 Next thing I know, I hear this horrible thud 208 00:10:37,267 --> 00:10:38,968 and there's Donnie, laying on the grass. 209 00:10:39,033 --> 00:10:41,667 And he was never the same. 210 00:10:41,734 --> 00:10:42,834 You wanna know the saddest part? 211 00:10:42,901 --> 00:10:44,834 What? 212 00:10:44,901 --> 00:10:47,934 He was supposed to start work at the plant the very next day. 213 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:51,133 All because I threw that damn Frisbee too high! 214 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:52,400 It wasn't your fault. 215 00:10:52,467 --> 00:10:54,701 Yes, it was! It was all my fault. 216 00:10:54,767 --> 00:10:56,868 That's why I send Donnie money every week. 217 00:10:56,934 --> 00:10:58,501 You don't? 218 00:10:58,567 --> 00:11:00,100 Hey, at least the poor guy gets a little pleasure 219 00:11:00,167 --> 00:11:02,300 from spending his day in a video arcade. 220 00:11:02,367 --> 00:11:05,567 I just wish it wasn't next to that adult bookstore. 221 00:11:08,234 --> 00:11:09,400 Where is he? 222 00:11:09,467 --> 00:11:10,634 He was just here. 223 00:11:10,701 --> 00:11:14,968 Donnie! Donnie. Donnie! 224 00:11:15,033 --> 00:11:17,300 Mmm, happy juice. Warm in Donnie's tummy. 225 00:11:17,367 --> 00:11:18,701 Donnie, that's not apple cider. 226 00:11:18,767 --> 00:11:20,167 Apple cider! 227 00:11:21,300 --> 00:11:23,033 Hey, Elliott, Hugo Boss on three. 228 00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:24,167 Ah, shoot. 229 00:11:24,234 --> 00:11:26,067 Ha, ha, you're small. 230 00:11:31,167 --> 00:11:33,567 Just walk away. He's very special. 231 00:11:35,734 --> 00:11:36,968 Go ahead. I'll take care of him. 232 00:11:37,033 --> 00:11:38,534 Thank you, Jack. Donnie, I'll be right back. 233 00:11:38,601 --> 00:11:39,868 Hurry! 234 00:11:41,133 --> 00:11:43,667 Donnie, you wanna have some fun? 235 00:11:43,734 --> 00:11:44,767 No, thank you. 236 00:11:44,834 --> 00:11:47,133 Attaboy. Give me your hand. 237 00:11:49,067 --> 00:11:51,434 Oh, good, you're here. 238 00:11:51,501 --> 00:11:54,701 Donnie, we found some tubes in the wall, 239 00:11:54,767 --> 00:11:58,667 and now we're trying to see where the tubes go. 240 00:11:58,734 --> 00:12:03,901 You see, things go away, and they never come back. 241 00:12:03,968 --> 00:12:08,367 How the heck does it work? I guess we'll never know. 242 00:12:09,434 --> 00:12:10,701 Vacuum. 243 00:12:11,567 --> 00:12:14,000 Yeah, right, vacuum. 244 00:12:14,834 --> 00:12:16,234 Let 'er rip. 245 00:12:19,501 --> 00:12:23,000 Before I was born, I ate through here! 246 00:12:23,067 --> 00:12:25,701 Hey, what's going on? 247 00:12:25,767 --> 00:12:29,934 You wanna get out of here before the old man tries to steal my nose? 248 00:12:32,267 --> 00:12:34,467 I think what you're doing is terrible. 249 00:12:34,534 --> 00:12:36,033 What's the big deal? 250 00:12:36,100 --> 00:12:38,667 It's demeaning to people with real problems. 251 00:12:38,734 --> 00:12:41,601 Demeaning? No, it's... It's an homage. 252 00:12:46,634 --> 00:12:48,567 Your mother waits on you hand and foot, 253 00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:50,400 so you can sit around and be lazy. 254 00:12:50,467 --> 00:12:53,334 And your poor brother's been wracked with guilt for years 255 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,400 thinking he's responsible. 256 00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:58,133 What are those, D-cups? 257 00:12:59,601 --> 00:13:02,701 You are so creepy! Stop acting like an idiot! 258 00:13:03,901 --> 00:13:05,067 Maya? 259 00:13:05,133 --> 00:13:06,367 (CRYING) 260 00:13:06,434 --> 00:13:10,434 Maya mean to Donnie! Why? 261 00:13:25,267 --> 00:13:28,868 Donnie not stupid! Donnie's stupendous! 262 00:13:29,834 --> 00:13:31,701 Who's the king? 263 00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:32,767 I am. 264 00:13:32,834 --> 00:13:34,467 Come on. Who's the king? 265 00:13:34,534 --> 00:13:35,701 I am. 266 00:13:35,767 --> 00:13:37,334 Yeah, you bet you are, buddy. 267 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,868 Just give me one minute, okay? 268 00:13:39,934 --> 00:13:41,634 I don't eat paste anymore. 269 00:13:41,701 --> 00:13:43,501 Good. You tell Jack. 270 00:13:44,100 --> 00:13:45,200 Wait. 271 00:13:50,534 --> 00:13:52,934 What is it, Donnie? 272 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,000 I don't eat paste anymore. 273 00:13:56,734 --> 00:13:57,734 Oh! 274 00:13:58,901 --> 00:14:01,367 Okay, what if Donnie 275 00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:04,434 is putting on a big act? 276 00:14:04,501 --> 00:14:05,501 What? 277 00:14:05,567 --> 00:14:07,234 (SOFTLY) Come here. 278 00:14:12,067 --> 00:14:13,634 He's faking it. 279 00:14:14,567 --> 00:14:16,200 He's not faking it. 280 00:14:16,267 --> 00:14:19,367 He told me he's not really slow. 281 00:14:19,434 --> 00:14:21,200 Oh, that's what this is about. 282 00:14:21,267 --> 00:14:23,601 God, he's so brave. Elliott. 283 00:14:23,667 --> 00:14:26,667 Look, I understand why you think he's okay. 284 00:14:26,734 --> 00:14:28,634 Everyone in my family's had those moments. 285 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,667 Those glimmers of hope, where we think he's with us, 286 00:14:30,734 --> 00:14:33,234 but trust me, it's fleeting! 287 00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:36,868 I once caught him reading the business section and I got so excited, Maya! 288 00:14:36,934 --> 00:14:39,634 It turns out he was just playing peek-a-boo with an armchair! 289 00:14:39,701 --> 00:14:40,834 I don't think you understand. 290 00:14:40,901 --> 00:14:43,534 It's frustrating for all of us, Maya! 291 00:14:43,601 --> 00:14:45,968 He can play the most complicated video game for hours, 292 00:14:46,033 --> 00:14:48,868 but you ask him to mow the lawn and nothing! 293 00:14:50,467 --> 00:14:51,834 I can prove he's faking it. 294 00:14:51,901 --> 00:14:54,367 Give me three minutes alone with him and listen in. 295 00:14:54,434 --> 00:14:56,000 You're crazy! No way! 296 00:14:56,067 --> 00:14:57,567 MAYA: Three minutes. 297 00:14:57,634 --> 00:14:59,467 Elliott, go with me on this. Why? Why should I? 298 00:14:59,534 --> 00:15:01,467 Please, trust me. (WHISPERING) Why should I? 299 00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:05,000 Because why would I lie? What would I possibly have to gain? 300 00:15:05,067 --> 00:15:07,000 All right. But just to prove you wrong. 301 00:15:07,067 --> 00:15:10,601 But wait a few minutes. He's having so much fun with Jack. 302 00:15:10,667 --> 00:15:15,968 You see, Donnie, they work on magnets. Just like the elevator. 303 00:15:16,033 --> 00:15:20,100 Magnets? No. Donnie thinks it's vacuum. 304 00:15:23,033 --> 00:15:26,701 Vacuum. That's so cute. 305 00:15:26,767 --> 00:15:28,300 Come here, you. 306 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,601 (BIRDS CHIRPING) 307 00:15:32,868 --> 00:15:34,267 (DOOR OPENING) 308 00:15:36,534 --> 00:15:39,033 What're you doing? 309 00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:41,601 I'm talking to them. They seem depressed. 310 00:15:41,667 --> 00:15:44,033 Depressed? They're birds. 311 00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:46,133 Yeah, they happen to be highly intelligent. 312 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:47,267 How do you know? 313 00:15:47,334 --> 00:15:49,167 They don't like you. 314 00:15:49,234 --> 00:15:51,901 Well, the feeling is mutual. 315 00:15:51,968 --> 00:15:56,133 And if they're so intelligent, then how do you account for this? 316 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,100 Well, go on. You're free. 317 00:15:58,167 --> 00:16:01,601 See? It's so stupid it doesn't even know the cage is open. 318 00:16:01,667 --> 00:16:03,734 You're provoking the alpha male. 319 00:16:03,801 --> 00:16:05,501 Oh, you don't know what you're talking about. 320 00:16:05,567 --> 00:16:08,367 Yes, I do. I used to date an ornithologist. 321 00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:11,100 That's the study of keys, yes? 322 00:16:11,167 --> 00:16:14,701 Hmm, birds. Remember we were just talking about birds? 323 00:16:14,767 --> 00:16:16,801 So, what happened? 324 00:16:16,868 --> 00:16:19,868 She dumped me 'cause all the other ornithologists made fun of her 325 00:16:19,934 --> 00:16:22,467 for going out with a guy named Finch. 326 00:16:23,601 --> 00:16:25,601 Hurtful eggheads. 327 00:16:25,667 --> 00:16:28,000 Why couldn't they just let us be? 328 00:16:31,367 --> 00:16:33,467 (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) 329 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,133 Okay, Elliott, can you hear me? 330 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,000 ELLIOTT: Yes, I can hear you. 331 00:16:45,067 --> 00:16:46,501 Okay. Put your side on mute, so that when Donnie comes in here 332 00:16:46,567 --> 00:16:48,968 he can't hear you breathing, okay? 333 00:16:49,934 --> 00:16:52,767 Okay? Elliott? 334 00:16:52,834 --> 00:16:53,868 ELLIOTT: I had it on mute. 335 00:16:53,934 --> 00:16:55,000 Why didn't you say so? 336 00:16:55,067 --> 00:16:56,934 It was on mute. 337 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,901 Okay. I see him. I'm gonna ask him to come in here for a second. 338 00:16:59,968 --> 00:17:02,801 Donnie, could you come in here for a second? 339 00:17:06,667 --> 00:17:08,033 I'm Donnie. 340 00:17:08,100 --> 00:17:09,901 (CHUCKLES) 341 00:17:11,701 --> 00:17:15,100 We're alone now. You can drop the act. 342 00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:17,200 I don't know what it is, 343 00:17:17,267 --> 00:17:21,234 but I haven't been able to take my eyes off you all afternoon. 344 00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:23,300 My dog smiles with his tail. 345 00:17:23,367 --> 00:17:24,734 (CHUCKLES) 346 00:17:24,801 --> 00:17:26,767 Come on, Donnie. 347 00:17:26,834 --> 00:17:29,934 You know what you proposed at the house, I'm into it. 348 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,701 In a big way. 349 00:17:31,767 --> 00:17:34,601 Chicken pot, chicken pot, chicken pot pie! 350 00:17:41,968 --> 00:17:46,234 Come on, Donnie. Seriously, drop the act. 351 00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:48,067 You want it, I want it. 352 00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:52,767 Show me the real you and I'll give you the sugar. 353 00:17:52,834 --> 00:17:56,033 Donnie's scared. Donnie wanna take a nap. 354 00:17:56,100 --> 00:17:57,868 (SOFTLY) All over you. 355 00:17:57,934 --> 00:18:01,601 Oh, come on. It turns me on to hear how smart you are! 356 00:18:01,667 --> 00:18:03,534 How you fell out of that tree on purpose. 357 00:18:03,601 --> 00:18:06,834 And how you've been fooling everyone, you clever thing. 358 00:18:06,901 --> 00:18:08,801 Donnie wanna climb tree. 359 00:18:08,868 --> 00:18:11,434 That's a metaphor. You're the tree. 360 00:18:11,501 --> 00:18:14,901 All right, that's it! That's enough! You okay, Donnie? 361 00:18:14,968 --> 00:18:16,701 My pants are tight! 362 00:18:25,868 --> 00:18:26,968 It's okay, Donnie. 363 00:18:27,033 --> 00:18:28,467 Elliott, I swear. 364 00:18:28,534 --> 00:18:31,300 Look, I don't know what you think you're doing here, but it's over. 365 00:18:31,367 --> 00:18:33,834 I know my brother. And the thought that he, or anyone else, 366 00:18:33,901 --> 00:18:35,701 could fake a head injury for this long 367 00:18:35,767 --> 00:18:37,634 is completely beyond comprehension. 368 00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:39,267 Elliott, he told me. 369 00:18:39,334 --> 00:18:41,267 I don't care what you think you heard. 370 00:18:41,334 --> 00:18:44,601 Look at him, Maya. Look at that innocent child-like face 371 00:18:44,667 --> 00:18:48,567 and tell me he's capable of something like this. 372 00:18:48,634 --> 00:18:51,734 I didn't think so. Come on, Donnie. We're going. 373 00:18:56,534 --> 00:19:00,334 What am I, an idiot? I've been doing this for over 10 years. 374 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:01,667 Seriously. 375 00:19:01,734 --> 00:19:02,801 Yay! 376 00:19:05,033 --> 00:19:06,801 (BIRDS CHIRPING) 377 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,968 Finch, any sign of Dorna Luge yet? 378 00:19:13,033 --> 00:19:14,200 ON INTERCOM: No, not yet. 379 00:19:14,267 --> 00:19:15,801 Well, she better get here soon 380 00:19:15,868 --> 00:19:18,467 because I am this close to stuffing these annoying little creatures 381 00:19:18,534 --> 00:19:20,567 into Jack's pneumatic tube. 382 00:19:22,267 --> 00:19:23,300 Oh. 383 00:19:23,367 --> 00:19:25,167 Hello, little bird. 384 00:19:25,234 --> 00:19:27,767 And how did you get out of your cage? 385 00:19:42,467 --> 00:19:43,534 Finch. 386 00:19:43,601 --> 00:19:45,701 Yeah, what is it? 387 00:19:45,767 --> 00:19:48,334 ON INTERCOM: The birds seem to have gotten out of their cages. 388 00:19:50,634 --> 00:19:53,367 And the head bird, it seems to be pecking through the phone li... 389 00:19:53,434 --> 00:19:54,801 (DIAL TONE) 390 00:19:56,734 --> 00:19:58,334 (NINA SCREAMING) 391 00:20:13,634 --> 00:20:18,467 Hey, Donnie, I think I finally got those tubes figured out. 392 00:20:18,534 --> 00:20:19,968 (SOFTLY) Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. 393 00:20:20,033 --> 00:20:25,200 You see, it uses hot air to force the capsule through the tubes. 394 00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:28,267 Donnie says vacuum. 395 00:20:28,934 --> 00:20:30,701 Vacuum. 396 00:20:30,767 --> 00:20:35,200 Boy, when you get an idea in your head, it sticks like taffy, doesn't it? 397 00:20:35,267 --> 00:20:39,534 No, Donnie, when air is hot, it rises. 398 00:20:40,868 --> 00:20:42,200 Vacuum. 399 00:20:43,467 --> 00:20:45,601 No. Hot air. 400 00:20:45,667 --> 00:20:49,567 It's the same reason a Pop-Tart jumps out of the toaster. 401 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,467 Or why a helicopter... 402 00:20:52,534 --> 00:20:55,267 Oh, for the love of God, it's not hot air, 403 00:20:55,334 --> 00:20:58,868 it's not magnets, it's a vacuum, Jacko! 404 00:20:58,934 --> 00:21:03,267 It's like a straw. Do you ever use a straw, huh, lab partner? 405 00:21:03,334 --> 00:21:06,467 Air withdrawn from one side is replaced from the other side. 406 00:21:06,534 --> 00:21:08,467 And then the airstream creates pressure, 407 00:21:08,534 --> 00:21:12,334 which allows the objects to propel through the freaking tubes! 408 00:21:18,234 --> 00:21:20,000 I love you, tubes. 409 00:21:22,901 --> 00:21:24,400 Green quarter? 410 00:21:26,300 --> 00:21:29,033 Chicken pot, chicken pot, chicken pot pie! 411 00:21:31,167 --> 00:21:32,501 Donnie, what the hell? 412 00:21:32,567 --> 00:21:33,901 Oh, crap! 413 00:21:35,033 --> 00:21:36,901 Now I got to get a job. 414 00:22:00,167 --> 00:22:02,734 DENNIS: No birds were hurt during the filming of this show. 415 00:22:02,801 --> 00:22:03,834 Oops.