1 00:00:03,634 --> 00:00:06,334 Dennis, state your location. Over. 2 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:07,734 (STATIC BUZZING) 3 00:00:07,801 --> 00:00:10,400 DENNIS: I'm on Sixth Avenue. 4 00:00:10,467 --> 00:00:14,334 I told you, all transmissions must end with the word "over." 5 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:15,501 Over. 6 00:00:16,801 --> 00:00:18,300 Whatever. Over. 7 00:00:20,501 --> 00:00:22,467 Now let's test this baby's range. 8 00:00:22,534 --> 00:00:25,868 Go hop on the uptown bus. Over. 9 00:00:25,934 --> 00:00:27,601 I'm getting on the bus now. 10 00:00:29,801 --> 00:00:32,267 (IMITATES BRAKES SCREECHING) 11 00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:35,367 (IMITATES DOORS OPENING) 12 00:00:35,434 --> 00:00:37,400 (IMITATES ENGINE REVVING) 13 00:00:37,467 --> 00:00:38,834 (IMITATES GEARS CHANGING) 14 00:00:43,467 --> 00:00:44,868 Joke's over. 15 00:00:59,767 --> 00:01:01,667 Hey, Jack, you might want to look at these. 16 00:01:01,734 --> 00:01:04,667 Who can tell me what's wrong with this statue? 17 00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:07,734 It has no genitals. 18 00:01:08,834 --> 00:01:10,567 It's lonely. 19 00:01:10,634 --> 00:01:12,567 Of course. It has no genitals. 20 00:01:13,868 --> 00:01:16,033 You know, it's been 10 years 21 00:01:16,100 --> 00:01:20,334 since anyone here won a Fashion Magazine Excellence Award, 22 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:23,367 while Cosmo rakes in the trophies. 23 00:01:23,434 --> 00:01:26,167 Do you realize, when we won this Femmy, 24 00:01:26,234 --> 00:01:30,000 I was still married to the woman I left Maya's mother for? 25 00:01:30,067 --> 00:01:33,734 I swear to God, she gained 20 pounds on our wedding night. 26 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:37,300 Dad, pick a rant and stick with it. 27 00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:41,334 You're... You're right. 28 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,467 I'm just nervous, that's all. 29 00:01:43,534 --> 00:01:45,734 The nominations are due at any time, and... 30 00:01:45,801 --> 00:01:47,167 Actually... Dennis, 31 00:01:47,234 --> 00:01:49,567 make a call and find out where they are. 32 00:01:49,634 --> 00:01:51,634 Great. Where are those nominations? 33 00:01:51,701 --> 00:01:54,100 What's that? In my left hand? Thank you. 34 00:01:58,501 --> 00:02:01,434 Okay. Here we go. 35 00:02:01,501 --> 00:02:04,634 Uh, the nominations are... 36 00:02:04,701 --> 00:02:07,367 Best Feature Article, Maya Gallo! Congratulations. 37 00:02:07,434 --> 00:02:09,667 Hey, Maya, that's great! Oh, wow! I don't believe it! 38 00:02:09,734 --> 00:02:12,000 I mean, I worked really hard on that piece 39 00:02:12,067 --> 00:02:14,067 and I believed that it was good, 40 00:02:14,133 --> 00:02:16,400 but to have that belief supported by my peers, 41 00:02:16,467 --> 00:02:18,501 (IMITATING MUSICAL SCORE) it's just a fantastic... 42 00:02:18,567 --> 00:02:22,200 We'll be right back with a salute to Andrew Lloyd Webber! 43 00:02:24,267 --> 00:02:25,934 What else? What... What else? 44 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:30,000 Don't you think if you'd been nominated, I would've already told you? 45 00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,767 Yeah. Well, that's where you're wrong. 46 00:02:31,834 --> 00:02:33,801 Congratulations, buddy. I'm nominated! 47 00:02:33,868 --> 00:02:35,701 (EXCLAIMS) MAYA: Yes! 48 00:02:35,767 --> 00:02:39,601 Oh, you see? You see, it's about time they recognized the work of a true artist. 49 00:02:39,667 --> 00:02:43,434 Dude, all you do is this. Click. Click. Click. 50 00:02:43,501 --> 00:02:45,968 You know what, Finch, I'm a little tired of that attitude from you. 51 00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:49,767 Photography is very complex. There's lighting, there's composition... 52 00:02:49,834 --> 00:02:53,501 You'd better rest that finger. Tomorrow's a workday. 53 00:02:53,567 --> 00:02:56,567 Well, I did it. Twelve years in a row. 54 00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:57,734 What, turn 40? 55 00:03:02,868 --> 00:03:04,400 I was nominated for a Femmy. 56 00:03:04,467 --> 00:03:05,501 Ooh! 57 00:03:05,567 --> 00:03:07,434 Yep, says so right here. 58 00:03:07,501 --> 00:03:10,901 Now, I know what you're all thinking, that I've lost 11 years in a row, 59 00:03:10,968 --> 00:03:13,567 and that my hair looks particularly good today. 60 00:03:13,634 --> 00:03:17,300 But the fact is, I have a really good feeling about this year. 61 00:03:17,367 --> 00:03:20,400 And it's the conditioner. 62 00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:24,200 I'd just hate to see you get your hopes up and then be disappointed again. 63 00:03:24,267 --> 00:03:27,467 Well, don't you worry. Esteban says this is my year. 64 00:03:27,534 --> 00:03:30,501 He's this gorgeous furniture maker who's also a mystic. 65 00:03:30,567 --> 00:03:32,367 He read the bumps on my head. 66 00:03:33,634 --> 00:03:35,067 You have bumps on your head? 67 00:03:35,133 --> 00:03:38,267 Well, not normally. But Esteban made this beautiful new headboard, 68 00:03:38,334 --> 00:03:39,901 and long story short, 69 00:03:40,868 --> 00:03:43,200 now I do. 70 00:03:43,267 --> 00:03:46,934 You know, gang, I just wanna say that with all your nominations, 71 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:50,734 it's gonna be an honor to be sitting at the same table with all of you. 72 00:03:50,801 --> 00:03:53,901 Dennis, you know we get a limited number of tickets. 73 00:03:53,968 --> 00:03:56,300 I hear you and I'm very grateful. Go, Blush! 74 00:03:57,934 --> 00:04:00,567 Dennis, a very limited number of tickets. 75 00:04:00,634 --> 00:04:03,300 Did you guys hear that? No dates. 76 00:04:03,367 --> 00:04:05,701 Dennis, you're making this very difficult. 77 00:04:05,767 --> 00:04:06,801 Wait till I start crying. 78 00:04:06,868 --> 00:04:09,267 Dennis... Jack, you gotta let me go. 79 00:04:09,334 --> 00:04:11,734 Four cover girls vying for one Femmy. 80 00:04:11,801 --> 00:04:13,200 Three are gonna lose. 81 00:04:13,267 --> 00:04:16,667 That's where I come in. D. Finch, consolation prize. 82 00:04:16,734 --> 00:04:19,667 I may not be gold, but I've got the genitals. 83 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,801 Dennis, I'm sorry. 84 00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:32,667 We'll both be in tuxes. We can do our ventriloquist act. 85 00:04:32,734 --> 00:04:36,767 And you'll draw those little lines down from your mouth? 86 00:04:36,834 --> 00:04:38,701 Whatever it takes. Yeah. 87 00:04:40,734 --> 00:04:45,067 Damn. I don't know what to do, Dennis. We just don't have the seats. 88 00:04:45,133 --> 00:04:47,367 Dude, I'll be sitting on your lap! 89 00:04:58,667 --> 00:05:00,033 Hey, Jack. 90 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:01,200 You wanted to see us? 91 00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:03,267 You bet I did. 92 00:05:03,334 --> 00:05:07,100 I've been sitting here thinking how proud I am of all my nominees. 93 00:05:07,167 --> 00:05:08,901 Oh, that is so sweet. 94 00:05:08,968 --> 00:05:12,434 And I know this year we're finally gonna clobber those jerks at Cosmo. 95 00:05:12,501 --> 00:05:15,000 So, I do believe a toast is in order. 96 00:05:15,067 --> 00:05:16,934 Allow me. 97 00:05:17,033 --> 00:05:19,000 I hope you all get Legionnaires' disease. 98 00:05:24,901 --> 00:05:27,067 Not his best toast. 99 00:05:27,133 --> 00:05:30,667 Oh, well, he'll calm down. Anyway... 100 00:05:30,734 --> 00:05:35,667 First, to Maya and her brilliant article, "Cleavage Fever." 101 00:05:35,734 --> 00:05:38,634 I always knew that... Whoa, whoa. 102 00:05:38,701 --> 00:05:39,801 That's not the article I submitted. 103 00:05:39,868 --> 00:05:41,334 Sure it is. 104 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:44,400 No. I gave you the one about testing cosmetics on animals. Remember? 105 00:05:44,467 --> 00:05:45,934 I slaved over it for months. 106 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:50,534 And it was fabulous, but a little on the dry side, so I switched it. 107 00:05:52,834 --> 00:05:54,434 You what? 108 00:05:54,501 --> 00:05:58,601 Honey, the truth is, who cares about animals wearing eye shadow? 109 00:06:00,601 --> 00:06:01,767 Mountain folk. 110 00:06:04,868 --> 00:06:07,968 I can't believe you did that. "Cleavage Fever" was a joke. 111 00:06:08,033 --> 00:06:10,300 I wrote it while I was waiting for the subway. 112 00:06:10,367 --> 00:06:11,834 You're so gifted. 113 00:06:11,901 --> 00:06:13,501 Dad! 114 00:06:13,567 --> 00:06:16,701 Maya, I know what those judges are looking for, 115 00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:19,367 and obviously, I was right. 116 00:06:19,434 --> 00:06:20,701 Well, congratulations. 117 00:06:20,767 --> 00:06:23,667 Oh, come on. Where's your team spirit? 118 00:06:23,734 --> 00:06:26,667 You don't hear Elliott complaining that I switched his photo. 119 00:06:26,734 --> 00:06:27,834 You switched my photo? 120 00:06:27,901 --> 00:06:30,501 Yeah. I sent in the one you took at the circus. 121 00:06:30,567 --> 00:06:33,234 You know, with the swirly lights and the models laughing 122 00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:34,934 and there's a trapeze in the background. 123 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,534 Oh, no. 124 00:06:36,601 --> 00:06:39,133 What's wrong? You got nominated, didn't you? 125 00:06:39,934 --> 00:06:41,767 You had no right to do that! 126 00:06:42,901 --> 00:06:44,567 What the hell is it with everyone? 127 00:06:44,634 --> 00:06:46,868 Oh, forget them, Jack. I'm with you. 128 00:06:46,934 --> 00:06:48,834 Oh, please. You're not gonna win. 129 00:06:48,901 --> 00:06:50,501 Oh, Jack. 130 00:07:03,767 --> 00:07:05,601 Yes? 131 00:07:05,667 --> 00:07:10,000 Jack, I just wanted to say sorry for dropping that glass of champagne earlier. 132 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:13,501 "Dropping"? 133 00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:18,133 Jack, I realize that over the last eight years, 134 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:21,534 I have not given my all here at Blush, 135 00:07:21,601 --> 00:07:23,467 but from now on, things are gonna be different. 136 00:07:23,534 --> 00:07:26,133 Gum on your shoe? Call Dennis Finch. 137 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:29,501 Sandwich taste funny? I'll take a bite. 138 00:07:29,567 --> 00:07:35,234 And above all, I promise to give you the respect that you so richly deserve. 139 00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:38,901 Allie canceled, and I put the ticket in your drawer. 140 00:07:38,968 --> 00:07:41,901 Oh, by the way, could you get me a cup of coffee? 141 00:07:41,968 --> 00:07:43,734 What, are your legs broken? 142 00:07:48,267 --> 00:07:50,267 I can't believe those morons on the committee 143 00:07:50,334 --> 00:07:53,834 actually consider my stupid article a symbol of excellence. 144 00:07:53,901 --> 00:07:55,868 What to wear? What to wear? 145 00:07:59,567 --> 00:08:01,267 You know what would be great? 146 00:08:01,334 --> 00:08:05,000 If I won and I got to go up there and really lace into them. 147 00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:08,434 Mmm. Maybe something low-cut, with just a hint of nipple. 148 00:08:10,868 --> 00:08:12,634 I'll really have to pound the message home. 149 00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:13,834 Give them something to talk about. 150 00:08:13,901 --> 00:08:15,834 I'll need the perfect speech. 151 00:08:15,901 --> 00:08:19,968 Something good, something poignant, something not terribly embarrassing. 152 00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:23,868 I could issue a challenge, a call to arms. "We can be better!" 153 00:08:23,934 --> 00:08:27,300 (SCOFFS) Like last year, when Margo Langhorne called her husband her lover. 154 00:08:27,367 --> 00:08:28,934 What was that about? 155 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,701 If anything, he's my lover. 156 00:08:36,467 --> 00:08:37,701 (KNOCKING) 157 00:08:39,334 --> 00:08:43,400 Hey, Jack. I need to talk to you about that, uh, circus picture. 158 00:08:43,467 --> 00:08:46,868 I know what you're gonna say. I shouldn't have switched the photos. 159 00:08:46,934 --> 00:08:48,801 I'm sorry. It'll never happen again. 160 00:08:48,868 --> 00:08:50,901 No, that's not it. Um... 161 00:08:50,968 --> 00:08:54,200 You see, that picture you submitted, uh... 162 00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:56,100 Elliott, get to it. 163 00:08:56,167 --> 00:08:58,968 Well, I'm doing the circus shoot, right? 164 00:08:59,033 --> 00:09:03,634 And I wanted some beautiful women in flowy gowns against the backdrop of the circus. 165 00:09:03,701 --> 00:09:06,133 Sword swallowers, trapeze guys, all that stuff. 166 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,701 So, I set the shot up, but it's just not working. 167 00:09:08,767 --> 00:09:11,434 And everybody's waiting, and I can't figure out why it's not working. 168 00:09:11,501 --> 00:09:14,701 So, I think to myself, you know, "I'll just adjust the lights." 169 00:09:14,767 --> 00:09:16,934 Out of the corner of my eye, I see a flash, 170 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,868 and I look, and my camera's gone, and... 171 00:09:22,934 --> 00:09:24,934 I didn't take the picture. 172 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,067 Who did? 173 00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:27,267 (MUMBLES) 174 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,000 What was that? 175 00:09:32,067 --> 00:09:33,067 A monkey. 176 00:09:40,567 --> 00:09:43,133 A monkey took the picture? 177 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:46,367 Yeah. He must've skated by and grabbed the camera. 178 00:09:47,968 --> 00:09:50,067 A monkey on roller skates? 179 00:09:51,567 --> 00:09:53,067 Jack, I'm so humiliated. 180 00:09:53,133 --> 00:09:57,300 Do you know how many times Finch told me that a monkey could do my job? 181 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,467 I can't accept this nomination. I have to disqualify myself. 182 00:10:02,534 --> 00:10:04,334 No, you don't! 183 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,601 It's our chance to stick it to Cosmo. 184 00:10:06,667 --> 00:10:07,934 But... No! 185 00:10:09,934 --> 00:10:13,501 No one can ever know about this. 186 00:10:13,567 --> 00:10:14,901 You haven't told anybody, have you? 187 00:10:14,968 --> 00:10:16,067 No! 188 00:10:17,133 --> 00:10:19,501 Jack, here's those papers you wanted. 189 00:10:19,567 --> 00:10:22,000 And, Elliott, I just want to say I'm sorry for that crack I made 190 00:10:22,067 --> 00:10:23,467 about your talent as a photographer. 191 00:10:23,534 --> 00:10:25,200 Hey, you weren't listening in on us, were you? 192 00:10:25,267 --> 00:10:27,033 What are you talking about? 193 00:10:27,100 --> 00:10:29,434 Nothing. Never mind. 194 00:10:29,501 --> 00:10:33,367 And by the way, there's a giraffe out here that says he took your SATs. 195 00:10:51,033 --> 00:10:54,667 This is it, Maya. The main event. 196 00:10:54,734 --> 00:10:58,067 Admit it, now that you're here, aren't you happy I switched the article? 197 00:10:58,133 --> 00:11:00,167 Yeah, just because it might give me a chance 198 00:11:00,234 --> 00:11:03,267 to tell these shallow idiots how vapid they are. 199 00:11:03,334 --> 00:11:06,300 Would you look at all the beautiful people? 200 00:11:09,033 --> 00:11:10,467 Well, there's our table. 201 00:11:13,067 --> 00:11:15,000 Hey, not bad. 202 00:11:15,067 --> 00:11:18,167 We're closer to the stage than the Cosmo people. 203 00:11:18,234 --> 00:11:20,067 Take that, you losers! 204 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:26,934 Wow, Nina, look at you! 205 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,167 Is that your nipple? 206 00:11:28,234 --> 00:11:29,434 Oh, just a hint. 207 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,167 Maya, may I run my speech by you? 208 00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:35,334 Oh, well, actually, I'm working on my own. 209 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:38,400 Okay. Webster's defines "fashion" as "to make or to craft something." 210 00:11:38,467 --> 00:11:40,167 But that's not the way I see it. 211 00:11:40,234 --> 00:11:42,834 To me, it's dresses and shoes, and often, hats. 212 00:11:42,901 --> 00:11:45,400 But not jewelry, that's accessories. 213 00:11:45,467 --> 00:11:47,534 One, two, three, four... 214 00:11:48,367 --> 00:11:49,434 What are you doing? 215 00:11:49,501 --> 00:11:51,000 Holding for applause. 216 00:11:54,234 --> 00:11:56,534 Jack. Jack, I need to talk to you. 217 00:11:56,601 --> 00:11:58,234 What's wrong? You look exhausted. 218 00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,701 I can't do this. Do what? 219 00:11:59,767 --> 00:12:01,334 Be part of this sham. 220 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,300 I didn't take that picture and I can't take the credit for it. 221 00:12:03,367 --> 00:12:05,601 Well, look at it this way. 222 00:12:05,667 --> 00:12:10,567 Consider it a reward for all your great photos that weren't taken by a monkey. 223 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,033 I'm sorry, Jack. 224 00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:18,334 My conscience just won't let me live with this. 225 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:20,300 Okay, Elliott. 226 00:12:20,367 --> 00:12:22,434 You do what you have to do, 227 00:12:22,501 --> 00:12:24,067 (CLICKS) 228 00:12:24,133 --> 00:12:26,067 and I'll do what I have to do. 229 00:12:27,834 --> 00:12:29,934 Uh, sir, you'll... You'll have to put that out. 230 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,300 Oh? 231 00:12:32,367 --> 00:12:33,434 Will I? 232 00:12:34,334 --> 00:12:35,834 Yes. 233 00:12:35,901 --> 00:12:36,968 Sorry. 234 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:40,467 Hey. 235 00:12:40,534 --> 00:12:43,100 You guys, did you see who's here? Me. 236 00:12:43,167 --> 00:12:46,400 Finch, looking sharp. 237 00:12:46,467 --> 00:12:49,000 Somewhere in New York, there's a naked Ken doll. 238 00:12:57,033 --> 00:12:58,434 (HEAVENLY MUSIC PLAYING) 239 00:12:58,501 --> 00:13:00,100 (CHOIR HARMONIZING) 240 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,834 Finch, that better be a breadstick. 241 00:13:35,067 --> 00:13:39,701 Maya, dear, this is probably our last quiet moment before the celebration of my award. 242 00:13:39,767 --> 00:13:41,334 Um, okay. 243 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,868 So, just so you know, when I'm up there and I say, 244 00:13:43,934 --> 00:13:47,501 "There are too many people to thank," you're one of them. 245 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,701 Thank you, Nina. 246 00:13:50,767 --> 00:13:53,400 So are you, Elliott. I am not a fraud! 247 00:13:55,734 --> 00:13:57,734 Um, hey, Nina, listen to this first line 248 00:13:57,801 --> 00:14:00,467 and tell me if you think it'll wake up this room full of phonies. 249 00:14:00,534 --> 00:14:01,968 "Ladies and gentlemen. 250 00:14:02,033 --> 00:14:04,467 "We should be ashamed of ourselves!" 251 00:14:04,534 --> 00:14:05,634 What do you think? 252 00:14:05,701 --> 00:14:07,334 I think you need to have some sex. 253 00:14:10,501 --> 00:14:11,701 (GROANS) 254 00:14:12,868 --> 00:14:14,000 Sea breeze. 255 00:14:14,067 --> 00:14:15,100 Beer. 256 00:14:15,167 --> 00:14:17,200 Well, hello again. Yeah, hi. 257 00:14:17,267 --> 00:14:19,234 Liz Tesh, New York Post. 258 00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:20,567 Dennis Finch. 259 00:14:22,801 --> 00:14:24,400 Hey, are you over there at table 10? 260 00:14:24,467 --> 00:14:27,434 Ugh! Yeah, they always seat me with all those stupid models. 261 00:14:27,501 --> 00:14:30,033 The only good part is I get eight dinners. 262 00:14:33,567 --> 00:14:34,868 Right. Right. 263 00:14:34,934 --> 00:14:36,601 So, is there an extra seat over there? 264 00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:38,300 Yeah, my date canceled on me. 265 00:14:38,367 --> 00:14:40,167 He said he had a work emergency. 266 00:14:40,234 --> 00:14:41,834 "Emergency"? He's a poet. 267 00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:47,367 So, uh, about that seat... 268 00:14:47,434 --> 00:14:48,834 Yeah, you want it? 269 00:14:48,901 --> 00:14:50,767 Let's go. You like steak? There's four left. 270 00:14:50,834 --> 00:14:54,534 I mean, if you count the one in my purse. 271 00:14:54,601 --> 00:14:59,801 Good evening and welcome to this year's Fashion Magazine Excellence Awards. 272 00:14:59,868 --> 00:15:03,300 Oh, this guy hosted last year. He's great! 273 00:15:03,367 --> 00:15:05,801 So, do we really want to sit here for three hours, 274 00:15:05,868 --> 00:15:07,734 or can we just give all the awards to Cosmo? 275 00:15:07,801 --> 00:15:08,901 (ALL LAUGHING) 276 00:15:08,968 --> 00:15:11,234 Get off the stage, you hack! 277 00:15:12,901 --> 00:15:15,100 Excuse me, are you Elliott DiMauro? 278 00:15:15,167 --> 00:15:16,834 Yes. 279 00:15:16,901 --> 00:15:19,667 I have to tell you, I saw your circus picture in the lobby. Amazing. 280 00:15:19,734 --> 00:15:22,300 Yeah. It's so raw. So primal. 281 00:15:22,367 --> 00:15:23,834 What the hell is that supposed to mean? 282 00:15:23,901 --> 00:15:26,067 Nothing. I... Just stop taunting me! 283 00:15:26,567 --> 00:15:27,667 Yes, sir. 284 00:15:29,601 --> 00:15:32,701 Elliott, will you please pull it together? 285 00:15:32,767 --> 00:15:34,300 I'm sorry, Jack. I... 286 00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:39,734 Monkey. Monkey! 287 00:15:39,801 --> 00:15:41,634 If you don't stop this nonsense, 288 00:15:41,701 --> 00:15:44,067 I'm gonna drag you outside and beat the crap out of you! 289 00:15:47,767 --> 00:15:51,601 Our first category is Best Achievement in Fashion Photography. 290 00:15:51,667 --> 00:15:52,968 Oh, God! 291 00:15:53,033 --> 00:15:56,734 And the nominees are Peter Lindbergh for Vogue, 292 00:15:56,801 --> 00:15:58,968 Theodore Miller for Elle, 293 00:15:59,033 --> 00:16:01,300 Nancy Jones for Cosmopolitan 294 00:16:01,367 --> 00:16:04,200 and Elliott DiMauro for Blush. 295 00:16:04,267 --> 00:16:06,367 And the Femmy goes to... 296 00:16:06,434 --> 00:16:10,167 Oh, please, don't let me win. Please, don't let me win. Please, don't let me win. 297 00:16:10,234 --> 00:16:11,868 Nancy Jones for Cosmo. 298 00:16:12,734 --> 00:16:13,801 What? 299 00:16:14,701 --> 00:16:17,100 Her? Oh, give me a break! 300 00:16:17,167 --> 00:16:19,234 This thing is fixed! I was robbed! 301 00:16:20,534 --> 00:16:22,834 Look at them gloat. 302 00:16:22,901 --> 00:16:25,400 Big deal, you beat a monkey! 303 00:16:34,133 --> 00:16:36,567 So I said, "Fine, if everybody else in this house 304 00:16:36,634 --> 00:16:40,434 "wants me to leave, I'll leave. But some parents you turned out to be." 305 00:16:42,667 --> 00:16:44,968 Hey, uh, what happened to that woman that was sitting here? 306 00:16:45,033 --> 00:16:46,801 Who? 307 00:16:46,868 --> 00:16:49,234 Tall, brown hair, black dress... 308 00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:51,100 Oh, I think she left. Left? 309 00:16:51,167 --> 00:16:53,434 Where did she go? 310 00:16:53,501 --> 00:16:55,467 You know, I'm beginning to think that you're not all that interested in my story. 311 00:16:55,534 --> 00:16:57,300 No. No. That's not... 312 00:17:02,234 --> 00:17:04,334 Another sea breeze when you get a chance. 313 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,067 Make it two. 314 00:17:08,067 --> 00:17:09,667 You. Hello. 315 00:17:09,734 --> 00:17:10,767 Hi. 316 00:17:10,834 --> 00:17:13,567 I have been looking for you all night. 317 00:17:13,634 --> 00:17:16,000 You have? Get away from my boyfriend! 318 00:17:16,067 --> 00:17:17,601 Get away! What? What? 319 00:17:17,667 --> 00:17:19,067 He's mine, bitch! 320 00:17:20,601 --> 00:17:23,934 No! I'm not... What? Are you nuts? 321 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,734 I thought she was bothering you. 322 00:17:26,934 --> 00:17:28,868 Bothering me? 323 00:17:28,934 --> 00:17:31,167 Do you realize what I had to go through to get here tonight, 324 00:17:31,234 --> 00:17:35,200 on the off-chance I would even get to look at a woman like that? 325 00:17:35,267 --> 00:17:38,834 And then just when the impossible is about to come true, 326 00:17:38,901 --> 00:17:42,567 you, the steak-woofing psycho, come in and screw it all up! 327 00:17:43,801 --> 00:17:46,868 Want to go to the coatroom and see my boobs? 328 00:17:53,234 --> 00:17:54,701 Yeah, all right. 329 00:17:59,701 --> 00:18:02,968 In the category of Best Fashion Spread... 330 00:18:03,033 --> 00:18:06,534 All right, Nina. This is gonna be your night! 331 00:18:06,601 --> 00:18:08,567 Take away everything pointy. 332 00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:11,901 And the nominees are 333 00:18:11,968 --> 00:18:14,400 Margo Langhorne for Vogue, 334 00:18:14,467 --> 00:18:16,968 Dora Cohen for Elle, 335 00:18:17,033 --> 00:18:19,167 Curtis DeVille for Cosmopolitan 336 00:18:19,234 --> 00:18:22,133 and Nina Van Horn for Blush. 337 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,000 And the Femmy goes to 338 00:18:27,934 --> 00:18:29,167 Nina Van Horn for Blush! 339 00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:30,901 (EXCLAIMING) Oh, my God! 340 00:18:34,067 --> 00:18:36,334 Nina, don't forget to say my name! 341 00:18:40,501 --> 00:18:42,334 (CLEARS THROAT) 342 00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:46,300 "Ladies and gentlemen, we should be ashamed of ourselves!" 343 00:18:46,367 --> 00:18:47,367 Huh? 344 00:18:49,734 --> 00:18:52,334 What the hell? She took the wrong speech. 345 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:53,400 NINA: Uh... 346 00:18:53,467 --> 00:18:55,300 (CLEARS THROAT) 347 00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:58,067 "How many of you looked in the mirror as you were getting ready tonight 348 00:18:58,133 --> 00:19:00,634 "and thought, 'I don't measure up'?" 349 00:19:00,701 --> 00:19:02,033 I thought that! 350 00:19:06,133 --> 00:19:08,300 "Isn't it time to fill our pages 351 00:19:08,367 --> 00:19:11,868 "with stories and images that make people feel good about themselves? 352 00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:20,467 "Articles like 'Cleavage Fever' should be ridiculed, not rewarded. 353 00:19:24,434 --> 00:19:28,834 "We should appeal to people's minds instead of preying on their fears. 354 00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:34,734 "We can do better. 355 00:19:34,801 --> 00:19:36,100 (GIGGLES) 356 00:19:36,167 --> 00:19:38,701 "But someone has to take the first step. 357 00:19:38,767 --> 00:19:42,100 "Therefore, with hope for a brighter tomorrow, I must 358 00:19:42,167 --> 00:19:44,300 "decline this award. Thank you." 359 00:19:44,901 --> 00:19:46,100 What? 360 00:19:51,934 --> 00:19:55,701 Hey, Cosmo, it still counts! 361 00:19:58,267 --> 00:20:00,300 Amazing. 362 00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:04,267 I'm just glad that somebody finally had the guts to say it. 363 00:20:04,334 --> 00:20:07,634 And now, the nominees for Best Feature Article. 364 00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:11,634 Maya Gallo for Blush magazine, 365 00:20:11,701 --> 00:20:13,801 Krista Raine for Allure, 366 00:20:13,868 --> 00:20:16,200 Shelly Adler for Cosmopolitan 367 00:20:16,267 --> 00:20:19,000 and Joy Gordon for Vogue. 368 00:20:19,067 --> 00:20:21,734 Please don't let me win. Please don't let me win. Please don't let me win. 369 00:20:21,801 --> 00:20:24,434 And the Femmy goes to 370 00:20:24,501 --> 00:20:28,234 Maya Gallo for "Cleavage Fever." 371 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,033 You should be ashamed. 372 00:20:42,100 --> 00:20:45,934 Hey! It still counts! 373 00:20:46,634 --> 00:20:47,767 Nice catch. 374 00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:55,701 I've seen your work. It's very good. 375 00:20:55,767 --> 00:21:00,968 The composition. The framing. The swirly lights. 376 00:21:01,033 --> 00:21:04,234 Ah. And it says here you ride a tricycle. 377 00:21:04,300 --> 00:21:05,501 Can you start Monday? 378 00:21:05,567 --> 00:21:07,033 (MONKEY GIBBERING) Oh, good. 379 00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:08,167 Well... 380 00:21:10,033 --> 00:21:11,400 Yeah. Yeah. 381 00:21:14,567 --> 00:21:16,234 I think it's gonna work fine.